“You’d suit scarlet,” Angelica suggested.
“Nonsense! And have my hair look like a boiled lobster to attract more hungry hammerfish to my shores? You’re being nonsensical, Angelica,” Geraldine said, shaking her head fiercely.
“How are things with you and Max?” Tory asked.
“Oh my lady,” Geraldine sighed. “I am of a dither! Maxy boy has declared himself ready and willing to service my lady garden at my beck and call. And oh, how I wish to grant him the keys to its wild meadows and wandering daffodils forevermore, but alas…I fear I must marry Justin Masters instead.”
“Ew,” Tory breathed. “He’s so nice though. He literally held a door for me while I was a hundred yards away from it. I had to walk so. Fucking. Far. To get there. And he still waited.” She shuddered.
“That’s not exactly a bad thing, Tor,” I snorted. “And Darius holds doors for you all the time.”
“Well yeah, but he does it obnoxiously. So it’s not the same at all,” she said, tossing her hair and I laughed.
“I see what you mean, Justin has no edge. He’s…” I tried to find the word.
“Dull?” Geraldine offered. “Boring beyond what should be possible within the realms of our kind?”
“Err, yeah,” I admitted and Geraldine wailed like a half strangled goat.
“Can’t you just break the wedding off?” Sofia suggested. “I’m sure your dad won’t care.”
“Papa has given me his blessing to end the engagement. But I am a lady of my word, and what am I without my word, Sofia?” Geraldine gasped, clutching a hand to her chest in horror.
“What if we break it off for you?” I suggested. “Like a princess declaration thingy?”
“You would do that for me?” Geraldine breathed in awe. “You would stand between me and a loveless marriage to a hapless worm and decree it as disbanded? You would banish the worm to a faraway land so that I may never have to fret over the loss living in his beady snail eyes?”
“Err, the banishing part seems a bit overkill, but we can do the decree thing,” I said with a shrug.
“Holy shit, have we had the power to decree stuff this whole time?” Tory gasped. “I wanna decree that no fucking decaf coffee is allowed to be served next to the caffeinated goodness.”
“And so it is decreed.” Geraldine slapped her knee even though I was pretty certain that Darius got all of Tory’s coffees these days anyway.
“Can I decree that everyone stops pointing in horror at me and Orion whenever we touch?” I grumbled.
Geraldine reached out, patting my knee with sympathy in her eyes. “No, my sweet and gentle Darcy. You can only decree things that are possible within the realms of reasonability.”
I growled, messing up the pink paint I was coating onto my nails and using water magic to correct it. “Dammit.”
“Can I ask you guys a question?” Angelica squeaked and we all looked to her, smoke pluming from her nostrils for a second as she turned bright red. “As you know, I’m having relations with a dashing Minotaur, and everything’s been great sexually, but last night he asked to do something that I’d never heard of before and I said I’d think about it, but I’m not sure…and maybe one of you have tried it.”
“Is it the flipping dipstickle?” Geraldine asked and Angelica shook her head. “The backwards fornicator? The sprouting duck tail?”
“Um, no,” Angelica said. “He said he wants me to shift into my Order form, so he can climb up my tail and ride me like a cowboy.”
My jaw went slack as everyone stared at her in shocked silence.
“So…one of you guys must have had Order form sex, right?” she asked hopefully, looking from Sofia to Geraldine.
“Hang on, he wants to fuck you while you’re a massive Dragon?” Tory blurted.
“Like, in his Minotaur form or Fae form?” I asked in horror, unsure why it mattered or which answer would be worse.
“Um, the second one,” she whispered, her cheeks getting pink. “So none of you have ever…”
“Let someone service my petunia while I am a giant three headed dog?” Geraldine cried. “Certainly not, Angelica.”
“Well, I’ve had my wings out during, but I don’t have a dog vagina…so it’s not really the same,” I added.
“Oh,” Angelica breathed.
“I let Tyler stick a few sugar lumps up my butt once, but I wasn’t in my Pegasus form,” Sofia offered and we all fell apart laughing.