“Yeah,” I rasped, the truth too bitter a thing to air. “That’s all it was.”
I hated those words leaving my mouth. They tasted like ash and soot and fucking death. The death of any chance of anything ever happening between us again. And it hurt, by the stars did it fucking hurt. I could feel that door closing, locking tight never to be opened again. I didn’t know if this was more painful than living with a small ray of hope that he might like me too, or if knowing he didn’t was akin to the absolute shattering of my soul. Either way, I was vacationing in Spain without the S.
“Right,” he said again.
“Right,” I echoed once more and he came to a halt before me, his fingers curling and uncurling, and he was just so achingly fucking gorgeous that it broke my heart all over again as I stared up at him.
“I’m hungry,” he said. “Will you still be my Source, still take part in the hunt with me?”
I almost said no for my own sake, knowing it was going to be ten times worse to feel his mouth on me now knowing how certain it was that he didn’t desire anything from me but my blood. But I was also a selfish, selfish loser and still wanted to steal those moments with him even if they only ended up crushing my heart a little more.
“Sure,” I said lightly like it meant nothing.
He wet his lips, his gaze falling to my neck. “I have a lot of feelings I need to work through tonight,” he said. “Vampire feelings. I’ve been away from you for too long, and as my Source I need to…do some stuff. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed so fucking easily that it was sad really. Because if Caleb needed to tie me to the ceiling by my ankles and wrists and drain my blood like a sacrifice to a god, then slap my ass and call me Mr Willing.
His eyes glinted then he lunged at me, his body pressing me down into the sheets as he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. My breaths came unevenly as I bucked my hips, not wanting to play victim, my instincts too fierce to let him just have my blood like that.
I rolled us over, wrenching my wrists free of his grip and pinning his wrists to the bed instead.
He bared his fangs at me and I smirked over my victory before he bucked me off of him, yanking his hands free and punching me in the kidney.
“Motherfucker,” I wheezed as he threw me off and I hit the floor face down, rising up onto my knees before a heavy weight slammed down on top of me.
Caleb gripped my hair in his fist, his knees pressing hard against the insides of mine to keep me down and I gave up trying to fight as he wrenched my head sideways and dug his fangs into my throat.
A traitorous moan left my mouth and his hips ground forward at the sound, his cock hard against my ass as I panted and tried not to get confused again.
It’s about my blood. Just my blood.
He drank deeply, holding me at his mercy while I fought not to give too much attention to how much I loved the feeling of his mouth on my skin and he didn’t pull back until I was a little woozy. He stood up, taking my arm and pulling me upright too before tugging his shirt off and dropping his pants.
“Um…” My gaze fell down his sculpted body, my cock throbbing and my head a fog of confusion.
“We’re going to bed,” he said.
“Right,” I muttered, pulling my own clothes off until I was just in my boxers and his gaze skimmed down the outline of my cock which was saluting him, and I cursed it for trying to give the game away. We needed to have a serious dickscussion, because I couldn’t go around visiting boner town while Cal was looking.
Caleb said nothing, leading me to the bed, whipping the covers back and pointing.
“Get in,” he commanded and I arched a brow at him, but did as he said.
He followed me, pushing me so I rolled away from him before wrapping his arms around me and drawing me flush against him, my back to his chest. His fingers traced over the bite mark on my neck and I shivered as he healed the wound, trying to ignore the rush of blood to my dick and the feel of his hard muscles moulding against mine.
“You’re my Source,” he said in my ear. “And you’re my best friend. So you’re gonna stay here with me from now on.”
“Yes, master,” I whispered.
“What?” he snapped and I chuckled.
“Joking,” I said and he broke a laugh, his body relaxing as he kept me firm against him.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t snuggled before, but something about this felt more intentional, and I had to keep reminding myself that this was a Vampire Source thing that I would probably never understand. But I wasn’t going to complain about it, because for the first night in more nights than I could count, I finally felt peaceful, able to drift off almost instantly as I was held by the man I loved, even though I knew he could never truly be mine.