Lysha: Gotta be honest, K, this is dark shit. I know you’re going through some shit but this is dark shit. I’m talking iron tablet, dark shit bruv. But it don’t sound like you. I’m worried. I shouldn’t do this but you know I’m here. Yeah? I know you’re not ok. Also, Nile is a prick. I don’t trust a word he says. Call me.
I never called her. What was the point? People believed what they wanted to believe. I was going to leave soon, leave school behind, my mess behind. I could start somewhere else all over again and situate myself outside, never get entangled. I could keep people safe from my chaos and keep myself safe from chaos. You couldn’t be caught out if you kept yourself out.
Chapter 17
“Screw her. What the hell does she want?”
“I don’t know,” I said, panting.
“Why would she show up in your life after all this time?”
“I don’t know.”
Aminah and I were doing our seven p.m. Sweat Out—power walking around the quad—a habit we started since we realized we were too lazy for the gym and we hated running. We looked like two aunties trying to snap back after a divorce, but it was effective, plus we got to wear cute workout leggings and crop tops. We did it three times a week and since we were often busy during the day, this was our time to debrief and catch up. It was pleasant, with the air newly turning crisp, and for some reason we found the deepening dusk therapeutic for our talks. I’d hoped that sweating would somehow help me release some of the tight stress that had been bound up in my chest ever since Rianne sent that friend request. The tagging only exacerbated it. I really didn’t know what she wanted, but the one thing I knew was that it wasn’t because she was ready to forgive me, which was why I found her contact so disturbing. It was like she was trying to taunt me. It got under my skin, made me itch at a place I couldn’t get at.
Aminah was shaking her head, furious. “From what you’ve told me, that girl is bad vibes, Kiki.”
I swallowed. I’d scrolled through her ProntoPic profile, and her limited pictures were undergrad standard; bright and blurry club photos with her friends, some selfies—she was still so pretty—birthday dedication posts. No pictures of boyfriends, though. There was a picture with Yinda and Lysha, however, captioned “Day Ones.” My chest had pinched at it. Not necessarily because I missed them, but because I’d missed the chance to miss them.
“I don’t know.”
Aminah stopped power walking and yanked me back, gripping my arm. “I do know, Kiki. And whatever fucked-up mind game she’s trying to play will not work. You made the right decision in ignoring the request. Don’t mind her. You have other, more important things going on in your life, like the fact that you’re going to New York next year. Which you deserve because you missed out on that internship year before uni.”
I shook my head and started walking again, soothed a little by Aminah’s pep talk, but not completely. The fact that Aminah knew everything about me was helpful, but it also meant that she could bring up things I’d rather not bring up, such as the year before we met. “First of all, we don’t know if I will for sure. Second of all, not doing the internship in New York was on me.”
Aminah eyed me carefully before changing the subject. “Fine. You know what we haven’t discussed? How Malakai confessed to being a dick on campus-wide radio. That’s a wild move to make if he’s going to return to the singles market after your project.”
“What do you mean if? He is. Also, it could easily just be a tactic to endear the women of Blackwell to him.”
The words were uneasy in my mouth, didn’t fit right on the Malakai I was getting to know. He was genuine.
I shrugged. “Either way, vulnerability is sexy. Plenty of women are still going to be attracted to him.”
Aminah rolled her eyes （lined—she said just because we’re working out doesn’t mean we should look like it）。 “Girl, do you really think he was thinking about that? He sounded like he wanted the ground to swallow him up when he was confessing. You got a Yoruba man from south London to swallow his pride. Do you know what a feat that is? That was real.”
I tucked my smile back in and tried to suppress the warmth that washed over me. Aminah’s eyes immediately widened in scandalized delight. “Your face—what is that? I have never seen that before in my life. You’re coy. Are you coy?” She lifted her arms with triumph into the sky. “Ki-coy Banjo, wow, I love it—”