I cross my arms, and he goes on hurriedly. “I know it’s what Geoff wants. But it’s what I want, too. I promise. Even if we can’t go back to the way things used to be, can we at least try to find a new normal? One that’s less weird?”
I pick up another discarded shirt, and twist it in my hands.
“Okay.”
“Okay you want to come or okay you want to figure stuff out?”
I just grab my jacket as an answer.
I do want to sort stuff out. I also would like to see the sort of place that would make my incredibly pragmatic mother accept what she knew was a spur-of-the-moment proposal. I think I’ve spent my whole life hyping up this place, and now I’m here, and I need to see it.
“This is really bad timing,” I say, as I put my jacket on.
“Why?”
“If we’re caught sneaking out, it could be really bad.”
“We won’t get caught. I have a way to sneak us out. You out of excuses yet, or…？”
I huff, and pull on a pair of boots.
Ruben clearly doesn’t know what to do while he waits. He’s lingering by the door, scrubbing the back of his head. And I’m still a little mad at him about the interview, and the fear of Geoff is still swirling around in my gut.
But this is the canals. This matters.
And I miss him, and I want to go do something with just him. Even after everything.
I put on a royal blue scarf and a beanie. And then I’m done. Ready to escape.
“So, what’s the plan?” I ask, as I tuck my hands under my arms for warmth. “Keegan or Pauline will be in the lobby, right? I doubt they’ll let us out this late.”
“There’s a fire escape on the roof,” he says. “We’ll climb down, then we’re free.”
Like most buildings here, this hotel isn’t too tall. We’ll be able to get to the street fairly easily.
The bigger issue is still Keegan and Pauline. They check the hallways randomly at night, and if we run into them, it won’t end well. They’ll have to tell Chorus that they saw—it’s part of their contract, and I could never ask them to risk their jobs for us.
“It’ll be fine,” he says. “Just follow my lead.”
The hallway outside is empty, so we go to the end, and get in the elevator. Ruben presses the button for the roof. We ride it up in silence until the doors open, revealing the rooftop. And all around us are the Amsterdam city lights. The stars look incredible. It’s brisk outside, but this is so stunning I don’t even care.
“Aren’t you glad we did this now?” he asks.
“A little.”
Ruben crosses the rooftop, his shoes crunching on the gravel. There’s a metal ladder attached to the side of the building. With no fear, Ruben steps up to it and then swings out over the roof edge. My heart lurches, but he’s smiling.
Seriously: does anything scare this boy?
I climb down after him. The metal is so cold it burns my fingers. When we reach the end, I hear him jump down, landing heavily on his feet.
Shit, it’s actually a decent jump. I grip the metal tight.
“It’s easy,” he says.
I jump. I stumble on the pavement, but Ruben catches me. He holds me there for a moment, his hand on my chest. I wonder if he can feel how fast my heart is banging against my ribs.
“You okay?” he asks.
I step away from him. “Yeah.”
He puts his hood on. I copy him. It’s cold enough to warrant it, and it’ll help us be a little more anonymous.
Together, we set off down the street.
This city truly is gorgeous, like something out of a fairy tale. The streets are wide and spacious, lit by iron streetlamps. Everything is soft and gold and black. The roads are all quiet, but a few of the restaurants are bustling, with people talking and laughing. We go around a corner, and in the distance, I can see the canal. It cuts through the city, broken apart by stone bridges every second block. We go toward it.
“What are you thinking about?” asks Ruben, turning his head toward me.
I shrug, because it’s my default response when someone asks me that. But we’re going for a new normal. That means I should be different, too.
“I’m thinking about Mom,” I say. “I was wondering if I should take a photo of this and send it to her, but then decided against it.”
“Why?”
I shrug again. It’s a damn disease. “I don’t think she’d like knowing I’m here.”
“How come?”
“This place probably doesn’t bring back the happiest memories for her, after what happened.”