But then, maybe he should be. I’ve never particularly wanted to keep my sexuality a secret; for Zach, though, it’s new, and confusing, and discretion is likely exactly what he wants. So, is it the end of the world if Geoff wants this to stay on the down-low for now? If it’s what Zach needs, who am I to kick up a fuss?
Still, for clarity’s sake … “I agree,” I say with false cheer. “There’s no rush. But when you say right this second…？”
“I’m just thinking about Russia,” Geoff says. “Given the political climate over there, it’s our priority to keep you boys completely safe. We have a duty of care. I can’t say exactly what would happen if this gets out before that tour stop…”
“Right,” Zach says. “They might cancel the show.”
“They might,” says Geoff. “There are anti-propaganda laws in place, especially in regards to minors, which constitute the majority of your audience. But even if we were to find a way around that, traveling there amidst a likely media storm about your relationship … well, some people might object to our presence strongly enough that we end up in a dangerous situation.”
“Our” presence, he says. Like he’ll be there alongside us. Good joke.
Zach’s eyes widen. “Shit.”
“Exactly. But in the grand scheme of things, that stop’s only seconds away. Once it’s over, we can all have a conversation about the next best steps. Sound good?”
Zach nods enthusiastically. I hesitate, then give a single, curt nod.
There’s a fairy tale Dad used to read to me before bed, about a gingerbread man who needs to cross a river. A fox offers to give him a ride on his head while it swims.
Then the fox rips the gingerbread man apart while he’s still conscious and screaming for his lost limbs.
“I’m a quarter gone. I’m half gone. I’m three-quarters gone. I’m all gone.”
* * *
When Erin lets us out of her room, we find Jon and Angel standing right outside the door. Jon holds a finger to his lip and ushers us into his room. We all tumble onto the bed, and Zach falls backward to lie down with his legs over the side, a blissful grin on his face. “It was fine!” he says. “He was so good about it.”
Angel’s eyebrows shoot up, and Jon looks to me for clarification. I shrug and give a half smile. Something in his eyes goes hard. If anyone knows what Geoff’s like, it’s Jon.
When you’re raised by a fox, you know better than to climb on its head.
I should’ve known better, too. Jon’s not the only one who grew up in a fox’s den.
“That’s … great,” Jon says.
“Yeah!” Zach tips his head back farther to look at me, and reaches a hand out. I give it a squeeze. I think I might squeeze a little too hard.
Angel hops up and goes to the window to look down at the crowd. “Well,” he says. “Screw it. If Geoff’s gonna act like a human for once, take it, I guess.”
“Exactly,” says Zach.
“So, when are you telling everyone?” Jon asks.
“To be determined,” I say shortly. “Probably after the tour.”
Jon lifts his chin slowly in comprehension, wearing a bitter smile. I shrug a single shoulder. I know. We announce when Geoff decides we announce. Not when we’re ready.
“So, secret dating?” Angel asks, turning away from the window and leaning his hands back against the pane. “Scandalous.”
“For now,” Zach says. “We’re just taking it as it comes. Who knows what’ll happen.”
“Right,” Jon says delicately. “Just … be careful, okay? If you two break up and it gets weird, it could go bad real quick.”
“What are you basing that on, Jon?” Angel deadpans, kicking off from the wall to stroll around the room. “It’s not like we have any examples of Zach and Ruben turning into mortal enemies the second things get weird between them.”
“We can’t break up,” I say. “Because we aren’t in a relationship. We’re just two people who exist in relation to each other.”
Zach ducks his head to hide a laugh.
Angel widens his eyes innocently. “Oh, I’m sorry, were you in a relationship the last time your ‘feud’ became a trending hashtag?”
“We get it,” Zach interjects, hoisting himself to a sitting position. “Promise. We won’t let it get weird again. You can hold us to that.”