He falters at the horrified tone in my voice. “It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. I’m just saying.”
“Zach, it is a big deal. I had no idea. If you’d told me, we would’ve figured it out, talked to Keegan, or hidden it better, or whatever we needed to.”
“Please don’t worry about it. I made my own decision. No one forced me.”
I blink, gobsmacked. Because now I kind of feel like I must have forced him. I replay everything I can remember from that night. What did I say that made him feel trapped? Did I give him enough space to give his own opinions? Did I check in with him? Or did I assume he was on board with my opinion and steamroll him? I genuinely don’t know anymore, and the thought that I might have dragged my boyfriend out of the closet, even if I didn’t mean to, makes my stomach churn.
Did I hurt him?
He reaches for my hand. “Ruben,” he says with a nervous laugh. “Breathe. Everything’s fine.”
I push those terrifying thoughts aside and try to refocus on the present situation. He wants to come out to his mom. Okay. What does he need from me, then? Does he need me to talk him out of it, and reassure him that he can wait a year to tell her if needed? Or does he need me to congratulate him and talk him through it?
At the best of times, I find it hard to tell if Zach’s doing something because he wants to or because he wants to make as few waves as possible. Now, with this new information, I feel less confident than ever I’m reading the situation right. He needs me to understand what he wants, but I don’t, I just don’t, and how can I help him if I can’t read him?
In the end, I just ask, “Do you need me there while you do it? For support?”
He shakes his head slowly. “I think I need to do this on my own. But thank you for offering. Seriously. That means a lot.”
We sit in silence, then Zach sucks in a deep breath. “Ruben?”
“Mm?”
“This is going to be okay, right?”
Screw personal space. It’s not like anyone in the room right now doesn’t know what’s going on, anyway. So I swivel around to kneel in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders. “Hey. Yes. I promise it’ll be okay. No matter what happens, you have me. That’s not gonna change. Not as long as you still want me.”
His eyes are glassy, bringing out the shock of green that borders the irises, but he clenches his jaw to steady himself. “I’ll always want you.”
“Then you’ll always have me.”
The rest of the room blurs away, until he’s the only person sitting in it. I stay still, letting him steer us, unsure how comfortable he is with public affection in this situation. But then he leans forward with his head down, to—hug me? Just be close to me?—and I bend my own neck to meet him, and touch my forehead against his.
“Okay,” he whispers, his breath falling softly against my face.
Okay.
We rejoin Jon once Zach’s collected himself, falling into the stiff armchairs placed around a coffee table holding sliced fruit and bottles of expensive spring water and a selection of every Doritos flavor except for Cool Ranch （Angel’s request）。
“Angel’s gone to the bathroom,” Jon says.
“Uh, thanks for the update,” Zach says, grabbing a water. All traces of vulnerability are gone, and he’s back to his lying smile.
“No,” Jon says. “He’s gone to the bathroom. For the second time in fifteen minutes.”
Ah. So, he plans on being high for another performance. Wonderful.
“Also,” Jon says. “I got a bunch of comments on the selfie we posted earlier.”
He’s referring to a shot of the four of us in the halls backstage we took after we’d been set free from the stylist’s chair. Ready for Round Two, Vienna!!!
“And they were all asking about the same few girls, so I googled us, and this went live today.”
He hands his phone over to me and I skim the article, Zach reading over my shoulder.
Romance Is in the Air! A Peek into the Past—and Present—Romances of the Boys from Saturday!
There’s a photo of Jon as a kid, alongside some girl I don’t recognize. God, he must be, what, fourteen here? Following this is a photo of him and Imani Peters, a childhood friend of his, walking on a street somewhere. From his haircut, I place the photo as somewhere shortly before our tour started back in America.
Not much is known about Jon and Imani Peters, although our source confirms they definitely had a fling a few months back. Could it be serious? We don’t know—but we’re sure thousands of girls around the world are praying it isn’t so!