I stand up to grab Emerson from her, and she clings to me. Should be an easy night. When she gets cuddly like this, it means she’s ready to fall asleep. I motion for my mother to have a seat next to me.
“This is cute,” she says.
It’s her first time here. I would show her around, but Emerson is already rubbing her face into my chest, trying to fight her tiredness. I want to give her a chance to fall asleep before I stand up.
“What a magnificent place for a garden,” my mother says. “You think he chose this place on purpose, hoping you’d come back into his life?”
I shrug. “I was actually wondering that myself, but I didn’t want to assume.” I pause, then turn and look at her after her question actually registers. Back into his life? I never told her Atlas was a friend from back in Maine. I just assumed she didn’t remember him.
I assumed she had no idea that the Atlas in my life now was anyone from my past.
She can see the surprise on my face, so she says, “It’s a unique name, Lily. I remember him.”
I smile, but I’m also confused as to why she never brought it up before now. I’ve been dating him for over six months, and she’s been around him a handful of times.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. My mother has always been a little hard to get to open up. I can’t blame her. She spent years with a man who left her no voice, so I’m sure it’s been hard for her to learn how to use it again.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “I figured you would bring it up to me if you wanted me to know.”
“I wanted to, but I didn’t want it to feel awkward for you being around him. Not after what Dad did to him.”
She looks away from me, her eyes scanning the backyard. She’s quiet for a beat. “I never told you this, but I spoke to Atlas once. Kind of. I came home from work early and the two of you were asleep on the couch. Talk about a shock,” she says, laughing. “I thought you were so sweet and innocent, but there you were on my living room sofa asleep with a random boy. I was about to yell at you, but when he woke up, he looked so scared. Not scared of me, really, now that I think about it. He looked more scared of the possibility of losing you. Anyway, he left in a quiet hurry, so I followed him outside because I was going to threaten him and tell him never to come back. But he just… he did the weirdest thing, Lily.”
“What did he do?” My heart is in my throat.
“He hugged me,” she says, her voice tinted with a drop of laughter.
My jaw drops. “He hugged you? You caught him with your daughter red-handed and he hugged you?”
She nods. “He did. And it was a knowing hug, too. It was like he carried this genuine sorrow for me, and I felt that in his hug. Like he was encouraging me, or comforting me. And then he just… walked away. I never even got the chance to yell at him for being in my house with you unsupervised. Maybe that was his plan—it could have been a manipulation tactic, I don’t know.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t a tactic.” Considerate Atlas.
“I knew you were seeing him. And I knew you were hiding him from your father rather than me, so I didn’t take it personally. I never interfered because I liked that you had someone, Lily.” She gestures toward the house behind us. “And now look. You have him forever.”
That story makes me squeeze Emerson a little tighter.
“It makes me happy to know there’s a man in your life that gives meaningful hugs like that,” my mother says.
“He gives more than great hugs,” I deadpan.
My mother scoffs. “Lily!” She stands up, shaking her head. “I’m going home now.”
I’m laughing to myself as she leaves. Then I use my free hand to text Atlas.
I love you so much, you idiot.
Chapter Thirty-Seven Atlas
“Are you seriously about to do this?” Theo asks.
I’m standing in front of a mirror, adjusting my tie. Theo is sitting on the couch, attempting to convince me to let him read my vows before the wedding. “I’m not reading them to you.”
“You’re going to embarrass yourself,” he says.
“I’m not. They’re good.”
“Atlas. Come on. I’m trying to help you. For all I know, you probably end them with something like, It is my wish for you to be my fish.”
I laugh. I don’t know how he still comes up with these lines after two years of this. “Do you practice your insults when you lie awake at night?”