“No. That’s not it. I’m…”
He stops and pulls me aside so that the people behind us can pass. I look at his face. It embarrasses me even more to see how concerned he seems.
I look farther into the park, at the upcoming bridge where a man plays an erhu under the glittering stone archway. The two-stringed fiddle echoes and sends out a sweet, longing melody.
Josh squeezes my arm and looks down at me. “Hey. It’s okay. You can tell me. I won’t laugh.”
I let out a long sigh, then, “Okay. I’m…I’m…horny.”
At first it seems like he doesn’t understand. Then, suddenly, it’s like a dam breaks.
Josh snorts, coughs, then stifles a laugh.
I shove at him. “You said you wouldn’t laugh!”
He pushes his lips together and I can tell he’s trying his best to hold back his laughter.
“It’s not funny. Being horny isn’t funny.” I push away from him. His shoulders jerk with the effort of trying to restrain his laughter as he wipes at his eyes.
Unbelievable.
Finally, he gets himself under control. He puts on his “serious face” and says, “I’m sorry, did you say your problem is that you’re…horny?”
I cross my arms and try to ignore the party going on in my pants.
“Josh Lewenthal. You promised you wouldn’t laugh. And for your information, it’s torture being this horny.” I point across the sidewalk at one of the green benches that line the walkways of Central Park. “I’d dry hump that bench if I didn’t think I’d get arrested. Heck, I’d rub myself off on a tree this very second if you’d make sure no one was watching.”
For the first time in my life, Josh Lewenthal is speechless. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and then he just stares at me. Totally shocked.
I let out a long sigh.
“I’m telling you. It’s torture. I walk, I’m horny. I go pee, I’m horny. You speak, I’m horny.”
“Not sure being jammed in there with peeing and walking is a compliment,” Josh finally manages.
I scowl at him. “My appointment is in one hour. I do not want to go in there for my ultrasound like this.” I gesture at my lower region.
Josh’s eyes light with understanding.
Then he looks taken aback. “You need my help?”
I blush and shake my head. I don’t know what I need. I’m not thinking clearly. “I don’t have a vibrator,” I admit. “And I’ve never been able to…you know…take care of it on my own.”
Josh looks around the park. Just ahead is the Swedish Cottage where they put on the marionette plays. Behind the cottage is a sweet little garden.
He grabs my hand, and I can tell by the look on his face he’s taking charge.
“Come on.” He pulls me forward.
“What? You’re not planning on…” I clear my throat.
“Your phone vibrates,” he says in a logical tone.
“Um, yes?”
“Well, I’ll keep calling, so it vibrates continuously until you get…relief.”
I stare at him, but he refuses to look back at me. I let out a long sigh. It’s crazy, it’s insane, it’s…brilliant.
At the garden, we choose the most secluded space we can find, a little area behind a tree with a low rustic wooden bench. The day is so cold and gray that there aren’t any people loitering or taking in the tourist sites.
We’re alone.
Josh pulls me close.
“You all ready?” he asks.
He finds a bench in a garden.
I give him a careful look. Then I pull my phone out of my purse and change its ring setting to vibrate. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. But the horniness, it’s driving me out of my mind. And I can’t imagine facing the ultrasound probe at the doctor’s office like this, there’s just no way…
I stare straight ahead at the dark wood and arched windows of the Swedish Cottage as I slowly take my phone and press it firmly against my zipper.
“Ready,” I whisper.
Josh wraps his arm around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. A bird still here for the winter gives a short call from the tree over us and the wind rattles the branches. Other than that there’s no sound, at least there isn’t any sound until Josh presses the call button.
Oh.
Holy.
Cow.
The phone buzzes against me. I jerk back, but hold it in place. It pulses, vibrates, and my eyes nearly roll back in my head. I’m so sensitive, so overly sensitive, that the vibration feels like a thousand volts pulsating against me. The display of my phone lights up with the name Josh.