I groan. “Don’t say that. Now you’ve jinxed it.”
He just laughs.
18
He jinxed it.
“What do you mean you quadruple booked my appointment time?” I ask Joy, the scheduler at Dr. Ingraham’s office. It’s nearly six now, and I’m starving, the angries are back, and I nearly cried at a hemorrhoid advertisement in the grubby waiting room magazine.
Joy rolls her eyes and sighs. “Technically, I septuple booked, mmm, no, what’s the word for fifteen? Fifteen tuples?”
Josh clears his throat. “It’s quindecuple. You quindecuple booked her.”
I give him a “what the heck” look, and he shrugs. “She asked.”
“Right. I quinde-whatever booked you. Except, it’s first come, first serve—”
“And we were here before you,” the woman behind us snaps. She’s in a shiny gold unitard, has amazing hair and is at least six foot two. “So sit your skinny little butt down, ’cause we were here first, and we’ll get served first.”
Skinny? I look down at my backside. I usually call myself curvy, or pleasantly proportioned. I’ve never gotten “skinny” as an adjective. Unfortunately, I think it’s supposed to be an insult.
I ignore the woman, who is about as friendly as a wolverine, and turn back to Joy. “They weren’t here first. They got here five minutes ago. We’ve been waiting for more than an hour, and two couples that came in after us have already come and gone.”
“Hey, bony butt, me and my husband watched you walk in. Sit down, it’s our turn.” The woman in gold snaps her fingers at her husband. He’s reading a car magazine, but when he hears her snapping he drops the magazine and stands.
“You ready to go back, baby?” he asks.
I look at Joy and hold up my hands. “Really? You’re okay with this?”
She shrugs. “First come, first serve. You know, most practices book ultrasounds in the morning, but for some reason this amazing place books at night. Super fun times,” she says sarcastically.
The nurse holding open the door to the back taps her foot. “Doctor’s waiting,” she calls.
“We could race,” Josh says to me. “I bet we’re faster.”
This is ridiculous.
The woman in gold has gathered up her purse. Her husband is in workout clothes and has arms that are veiny and almost as big as my mom’s annual Christmas ham. I’m not sure we could beat them.
Plus, I think the woman has the same reaction to the hormones as Brook. It’s entirely possible she has a fork in her purse and she’s waiting for an excuse to stab someone.
“Nah. Let them go, we’ll go next. Besides, you have to pick your battles. Some just aren’t worth fighting.”
Josh and I sit back down, this time closer to the door to the back. I stare at the Georgia O’Keeffe painting and tap my foot. My stomach growls.
“Hungry?”
“No.” Because if I ignore the hunger, maybe it’ll go away.
My stomach growls again.
Josh snorts, then he digs through his pocket and pulls out a bar of chocolate. “Here. I saw it earlier today and thought of you.”
I take the bar, it’s dark chocolate with lime zest. My eyes widen and my mouth starts to water. How have I never heard of this? “Josh Lewenthal. You are my hero.”
He chuckles and leans back in his seat. “That’s what they all say.”
I’d roll my eyes at him, but I’m too busy stuffing my face with the most delicious chocolate bar I’ve ever eaten. Between mouthfuls, I manage to say, “Who needs vibrating phones when you have lime-flavored chocolate?”
Josh chokes back a laugh as the door to the back opens and the nurse calls for the next patient in line.
Dr. Ingraham hurries into the room and starts the ultrasound with no preamble. His round bald head is cherry red and a little sweaty, he looks harried, probably from the end-of-day ultrasound free-for-all.
By now, I know what to expect, and there aren’t any surprises. As Dr. Ingraham studies my follicles I look over at Josh.
“How you doing?” Josh whispers.
I give him a grateful smile. “Good. You still feeling inadequate compared to you know what?” I nod in the ultrasound’s direction.
He raises his eyebrows, then, “Nah. Now that I’ve got phones and chocolate in my arsenal I’m unbeatable.”
I snort and shake my head. Then I look back at the ultrasound machine. I can see some blurred images on the monitor, but I can’t really make out what I’m looking at. Dr. Ingraham clicks around and makes a few satisfied noises as he studies the image.