‘Will you read to me?’
I had to wait for the lump in my throat to ease before I could reply. ‘Where have you got to?’
‘The chapter called “An Unexpected Party”。’ She smiled. ‘Like we had just now.’
‘Joan, I’ve read this book more times than you can count. I know that’s the first chapter.’
She looked at me, eyes wide and innocent.
‘I’m not reading the whole book.’
‘Why don’t you start it from there and we’ll see how it goes. You can stop when we get to a boring bit.’
‘You mean the blank page at the end?’
She grinned, lying back with a contented sigh.
Bilbo had just set off on his adventure when I noticed that Joan was asleep. She’d wriggled closer to see the illustrations, and her head now rested against my upper arm with a heavy reassurance that kept me reading for another few pages. Closing the book softly, I eased back into a sort-of-comfortable position, checked that Nesbit was still curled up in the entrance and clicked off the lamp.
The second that Joan sighed and rolled over into the other side of the tent, the tears came. I was so grateful that I’d had the chance to get to know this remarkable child. She’d filled up a chasm in my heart that I’d not realised existed.
What on earth am I going to do without her?
Once the tent was packed away, I had one job on Saturday morning. Remain calm and collected. Or in other words, not dissolve into a snotty heap until the hire van had disappeared down Hatherstone Lane.
There may have been one tear, two at the most, but Joan’s stiff, bitter expression was enough to keep my emotions in check as I helped load up the final bits and pieces before hugging my friends goodbye. Ebenezer appeared out his front door and handed Joan a book.
‘I don’t think you’ve read it.’
‘I haven’t,’ she said, flipping open the cover of Little Women. ‘Thank you…’ She paused, the hint of a smile creeping over her face for the first time that day. ‘Barry.’
‘Ebenezer, if you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t! I didn’t even know Barry was a real name.’
I peeked at the inscription in the front of the book:
For my darling Ada, the best of women.
Yours forever, Barry.
Oh boy. Was I supposed to be not crying?
Joan didn’t exactly help, throwing her arms around Ebenezer’s waist. ‘I’ll never forget you.’
He patted her awkwardly on the head.
‘Promise you’ll make sure Ollie’s okay without me.’
Ebenezer muttered something along the lines of how he’d do his best, but he’d got a lot of other important things that needed doing, and then hobbled back inside.
‘Right, that’s it,’ Peter announced, slamming the van door with a thud.
One last hug, a cringe-worthy fake smile and a wave, and they were gone.
Steph phoned, as promised, but after a brief chat I insisted I was fine and no, she didn’t need to come over, as ‘I don’t mean to be rude but I’d rather be on my own today’。
That feeling lasted for about half an hour.
I wasn’t going to drag Steph over, though. I should have been able to handle feeling sad on my own for a day.
The issue was that I didn’t feel sad; I felt like every last trace of colour had been packed into that van.
I felt like I was already sick and tired of my miserable, moping self, so I yanked on my walking boots, whistled for my dog and went for the kind of furious, pounding march through Bigley Forest that makes it impossible to think.
Forty-five minutes later I was steaming with exertion, sweat dripping down my back when Nesbit pricked up his ears, galloping into the undergrowth before scampering back a few seconds later, his prize in tow.
‘Well, hello, girls,’ I managed, automatically running both hands over my mass of tangled frizz as I braced myself for the appearance of Scout and Willow’s owner.
‘Hey,’ he said, eyebrows raised in surprise as he rounded the corner and found me standing there, wishing I’d changed out of the T-shirt I’d worn to heft boxes into a van.
‘Hi.’
I swallowed hard, focusing on bending down to pet the collies. The rational part of my brain knew that bursting into tears at the sight of Sam would prove more than a little awkward, but I was so pleased and relieved to see him it was all I could do not to launch myself into his arms where it was safe to fall apart.
‘I was on my way to see you.’
‘Oh?’