His words unsettled me in the same way Dasharath’s missive had. But why? “Janasthana is safe for our traders now,” I said slowly.
“I imagine you had something to do with that,” Rama said, still smiling. “And I—”
“How did you know there was an asura?” I asked, realization flooding me.
Rama took a step back from me, brow furrowing. “Father told me.”
“I have not yet had the chance to tell him what I encountered.” Every rumor had named the evil a rakshasa. My heart beat so loudly I thought he might hear it. He knew. He knew. How did he know?
Rama pressed his lips together. “Perhaps I—”
“Don’t lie to me.”
He sighed, and we stared at each other in charged silence. “I do not want you to be angry with me, Ma. You must understand, I only wanted to show you the frightening truth of this world.”
“No,” I whispered. The stone walls of the room were closing in on me. “You… You sent Shishir and Bhandasura. To frighten me? They could have killed me.” I wanted to turn away so I could not see his face. My fingers clenched into fists, nails digging into my palms. He had betrayed me. Betrayed his brother. “They could have killed us,” I said again.
“I did not intend for you to ever learn this,” Rama said, his voice sorrowful. His sadness was meaningless. He had done the unthinkable. And for what? “But you have a way of finding the truth. I did ask Lord Shishir to assist me by showing you the seriousness of the situation. The asura was already there. His kind have become a plague in the south, and I needed you to see it.”
“Lord Shishir injured your brother quite badly. And I almost died.” My words came out quietly. I felt nearly dizzy with anger.
At this, Rama’s expression flitted first to shock, then to concern. He glanced over me. “Are you all right now? Do you need to sit? How has Lakshmana recovered? That was never—never supposed to happen. I am so sorry, Ma.”
His sincerity shone through in his torrent of words, but I was still furious. “An apology is not enough for putting us in such danger!”
“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair, then lowered himself to his knees before me. “Please, Ma. Please. I promise that was not my intention.” His voice trembled, and at this, I felt some of my own anger loosen. His contrition, at least, was honest.
“I know you did not mean to hurt me,” I said, and he looked up at me, hope in his eyes. “But even if that wasn’t the intention, how could you risk such a thing?”
Rama rose slowly but lowered his gaze to my feet. “This will sound foolish now. But a wise friend pointed out to me that you only believe what you see directly. And I have watched you. I know that is true. You focus on your own goals, on what is in front of you that needs fixing. I hoped that once you saw the true threat facing this world, you might be able to better understand my purpose.”
In the revelation that Rama had thrown me into danger, I had almost forgotten about Rama’s erstwhile tutor.
“I knew you would be fine,” he continued. “I trusted you, because you are strong, and I want you to be my ally in this. You have always asked what my path is, and now I will tell you. It is my divine duty to rid this earth of the asuras and rakshasas that threaten to overtake it, that creep northward toward civilization day by day. And to do so, I will need the armies and men of Kosala beside me. But that does not mean there is no place for you.”
“Oh, Rama,” I said, swallowing past a lump in my throat. “I was just as threatened by the god that you sent as by any rakshasa or asura. That does not mean we should wage war against the gods. So why do you wish to do so for the asuras?”
“What of your supposed friend, Ravana?” Rama asked, frustration creeping into his tone. “Do you not find it most convenient that the asura appeared just in time for Ravana to come save Janasthana? He himself is an asura!”
If I had not been so filled with sadness and anger, I might have gasped. It was clear to me Rama was not lying about this, and yet the idea that Ravana had been Bhandasura’s master was laughable. “Think about it. He expands his kingdom every day, through trickery and fear. His ancestral lands lie far to the south in Lanka, and yet he prowls toward us.”
“Ravana saved that city. The people welcomed him as their savior, regardless of his identity.”
Rama blew out a breath. “He was right! You only see what you wish to see.”
“He? You’re talking about Sage Vamadeva, are you not?” I demanded. “Your ‘wise friend.’ You would listen to him over the testimony of your own mother?”