My hands shook slightly. Had Ravana always been so passionate and foolhardy? He talked so casually of declaring war on a kingdom months of travel from his own, as though that was the natural reaction to displeasing him. Matters of children were different, and yet—
I see now an opportunity, one the gods denied to me. I intend to introduce myself to Sita. I am no longer angry at you and am relieved I did not act against you in haste. Instead, I offer you my sincerest thanks for this great gift you have given me.
Ravana
Ravana was running headlong into Rama’s path. He was no longer the man I knew, who I had trusted to be calm and logical. This plan would end only in another conflict, and I was too far to stop him. The seeds of this destruction might have already been sown in the days it took his letter to reach me.
I needed help. But neither Manthara nor Asha nor Kaushalya could give it.
I staggered toward my bed, collapsing on the edge of it and clasping my hands together, searching for the words of the prayers I had once known by heart, when I had been desperate for the blessings of the gods. For the first time in years, I truly and sincerely prayed, whispering supplication to the goddess Nidra. I only half believed it would work, but still I closed my eyes and bowed my head and murmured the ancient words.
When I opened my eyes, unexpectant, she stood before me in that same cloak of shadows. Her bright eyes glimmered, and I felt a strange sense of happiness, of triumph, before remembering myself.
“Sri Nidra. All around me I see nothing but pain, stretching far into the future. Can you stop it?”
She stared at me for a moment. I felt myself growing tired and forced my eyes away from her divine form. “No, I cannot,” she said, her voice like a soft night breeze, and my heart clenched. “But do not despair. A man walks among you with human follies and the powers of Lord Vishnu himself, and you manage to stand firm with nothing of your own. You are stronger than you think.”
Vishnu? Through these years, I had continued to believe it was Agni whose divinity resided within my son. I had never even considered it could be anyone else, let alone Vishnu. I was glad I was seated, for the more I thought about it, the more my head spun. Vishnu was the protector, one of the strongest gods. He returned to earth, age after age, to save us from demonkind. Rama himself had said something similar—and I had missed it. What if he had not been misguided? What if our world truly did need cleansing, and I had stood in his way?
It could not be. I had traveled far and seen no possible reason for the kinds of all-consuming war Vishnu always brought. “Please. Surely you can do something to help me. You answered my prayer, after all.”
“I answered because I made a promise to you.” She reached out a hand to cup my face. “Of all the godsforsaken I have known in my immortal life, you drew the worst lot. Your fate was written out thus: that you had to exile your own son, and thereby ignite the great battle between good and evil.”
I drew away. “The great battle between good and evil?”
“Yes, between your son, Rama, and the forces of darkness amassing in Bharat,” she said.
“What forces of darkness?” I demanded.
“Rama was sent to your world for a great and glorious purpose. Your fight with him was of his choosing, and I will offer no wisdom on who was right, for it matters little to us. He may not have known it, but he always had to depart Ayodhya, no matter the cost.”
I shook my head, parsing her words to find only terrible answers. “Are you saying that whatever I did had no consequence, because it was destined that Rama needed to depart Ayodhya at a particular time?”
“What you did had a tremendous influence,” Nidra said, but she turned away as she spoke.
“You cannot leave me now,” I insisted, briefly forgetting that I spoke to a goddess. I remembered now Rama’s calm acceptance of his exile. Had he wanted this all along? No. He had been sincere in his desire to militarize Kosala, true in his belief that such might was needed for the war to come. “Please, you must tell me what Rama intends to do.”
“There is a great asura whose influence stretches across the south of this land,” Nidra said. “He does not bow to the power of the gods but instead brings unnatural creations into this world, usurping our authority. It is Rama’s duty to bring the gods’ rule back to this earth. His preparations here have been extreme, but I have no doubt they will prove useful.”
I gaped openly at her. Perhaps Rama had been right all along. An asura threatened our world, and when he had tried to show me, I had accused him of madness.