I thought of what Yudhajit might feel in his last moments, murdered by his nephew’s army. I wondered whether he would be surprised when death came to him, or whether he would have a chance to fight his way clear.
Bharata loved his uncle. How would he live with himself when this deed was done?
It was clear that I had no power to help them. And yet, how could I live with myself if I did not try?
Sitting up seemed an insurmountable task. I lay there for another minute and imagined what Bharata might say when he returned. You forced me to do this, he would probably tell me. Or, How could I have done something like this? I will never be whole again.
That final thought was what stirred my cold limbs to movement. This would be my final attempt to set things right. After this, I promised myself, I would never interfere again. I would live out the rest of my days in seclusion. But I could not sit back now.
I wrapped myself in my warmest cloak and began to fill my traveling bag, my mind shaking off the weeks of cobwebs as my hands worked. Riding fast and alone, I could outpace our army’s daylong head start even if I kept off the road. I could sleep in the forest and arrive in time to warn Yudhajit. Our bond had frayed, but I was still his sister, and well respected in Kekaya besides. My years of practice in cajoling men into listening to me would serve me well now. I would convince him of Shatrugna’s plan. It was a betrayal of my son, but it was an act of loyalty for my people in both kingdoms—I was saving my sons from their worst impulses and from Kekaya’s inevitable revenge. This war would not be a slaughter. I could do at least that much.
“Do you need something?” Asha asked as I entered the main room. I had not realized she was sleeping in my room this night, but a single candle was still lit, and from her position on the floor it appeared as though I had woken her. Asha had taken to occasionally sleeping in my chambers, when she was particularly worried about me. Manthara might have too, if her old age had not made it difficult for her to sleep on the floor.
“No, Asha. Please go back to sleep. I am sorry for disturbing you.”
Her eyes darted to my attire as she rose to her feet. “Where are you going?”
“Where do you think?”
Asha smiled slightly, her face looking young in the flickering candlelight. With her hair in two thick braids, I could remember clearly our first meeting—another lifetime ago, on the eve of another battle. She bent and passed me a large bundle from next to her pallet. “There is food enough for a weeklong journey in here. Manthara helped me pack it.” Next, she removed a scabbard. “And here is your sword.” She hesitated, then threw her arms around me. I returned her embrace, and we parted with shining eyes.
“Godspeed, Radnyi.”
I laughed then, and the rough sound of it startled me. “The gods will have nothing to do with it.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
I ARRIVED NEAR THE outskirts of Yudhajit’s camp just as the sun set on the sixth day. Listening to the faint clamor, I decided to sleep and approach my brother in the morning, better rested to make my case. I had set a punishing pace, and my body ached from the abuse. I considered praying to Nidra to help me—but somehow, after the dream she had given me, I could not bring myself to ask for her aid.
In the sleepy hours before dawn, I tied my horse to a nearby tree and snuck past the bleary-eyed guards without much difficulty. While I had no bonds with them to manipulate, if one seemed close to spotting me, I simply tugged on their bond with another soldier, causing them to turn away.
Yudhajit’s tent was not particularly opulent, but it stood out at the center of camp. I slipped in through the back to find my brother alone and asleep. He had entered my tent the same way once, a lifetime ago, seeking adventure in the forests.
For a moment, I just watched him, his chest rising and falling, and the kernel of love I always kept for him expanded in my chest. We had been so happy. He had been carefree, quick to laugh and play. But now he looked tired and worried, even in his sleep, and my failure was responsible for that in no small part.
It took me several minutes to move from my position, for I wanted to preserve this moment, where we could both simply be together. When I woke him, I knew, I would have to face his anger. I stepped toward him, and the soft sound of my footfall startled him awake. He sat half up on his pallet, his hand reaching for his sword. When he realized it was me, he relaxed slightly, then stiffened again. “Kaikeyi. Have you come to kill me?”
Of all the possibilities I had envisioned, this reaction was not one of them. “Kill you?” I echoed blankly. He studied my face in the dim light, then dropped his sword and stood.