Anna’s phone chimed with a text. Are you okay? Phoebe was asking.
Perfectly fine, thanks, Anna answered.
Good. If you don’t need me, I’m staying home. Headache. If you need me, call.
Go to bed, I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow.
She took a breath. “No one knows this but Phoebe. And now you. His last struggle with unhappiness coincided with my appointment to the bench. That had become a pattern. If I had something to be proud of, he became very needy. I was planning to suggest we live separate lives. I thought it was time he figure out how to be happy on his own.”
“Whoa!” Joe said, shocked. “After all these years?”
“I love what I do,” she said. “I’ve worked so hard to get to this place. I’m only fifty-seven. And I’m tired of always focusing on Chad’s happiness. I thought it was my turn...” A solitary tear ran down her cheek. “I guess it is now.”
Anna and Joe talked into the night. They got past Chad’s discontent and Anna’s confusion about it and covered all those years when their kids were young, when they all got together for backyard barbecues or day trips to the lake and one trip to Disneyland that was a near disaster when Anna and Chad briefly lost Bess and finally found her with a princess. She told him about when Chad was helping Mike coach and how proud she was of both of them. “I wanted to kick him in the ass, but I didn’t want him to die,” she said, another large tear spilling over. “Sorry, tequila tears.”
“You should go to bed,” he said. “And I need to borrow a couch.”
“Nonsense. I have two guest rooms. Would you like to borrow a pair of Chad’s pajamas?”
He made a face. “You will never see me in your husband’s pajamas. I’ll rough it.”
“Take Mike’s room. Mike put fresh sheets on the bed before he left and there’s shaving stuff and new toothbrushes in the bathroom. I’ll get the coffee ready, so if you get up first, just flip it on.”
“Thanks, Anna. It would be stupid of me to try to drive back to Menlo Park.”
“I wouldn’t sleep at all, thinking of you doing that. I’ll sleep a lot better knowing you’re tucked away for the night.” She started to leave the room, then turned back. “In all these years, this is a first. I don’t believe you’ve ever stayed the night before.”
“Not that I recall. I promise not to make a habit of it.”
Jessie had had a lump in her burning throat all day and she was relieved to get home to her town house in Sausalito so she could let go and drain the emotions. Everyone expected her to be strong and she hadn’t let them down but she didn’t feel strong. She could act strong but sometimes it was so hard it made her just appear mean and cranky. She wasn’t sure what was harder on her—her father’s death or the fact that Jason hadn’t even called her to see if she was all right. She had called him, told him about her dad, told him what arrangements were being made and invited him to the celebration of life. He said he might have to work but he’d try. They had lived together for two years; he’d gotten close to her family! They broke up a year ago but it felt like only yesterday in her mind.
He had not come. He hadn’t sent flowers. And she was alone. So alone. Her brother had his girlfriend, Bess would prefer to be alone, her mother was exhausted and her grandmother barely knew what day it was and was safer with the ladies at the assisted living home. Jessie had no one. It had been a long time since she’d even had a really close girlfriend.
She threw herself on her bed and sobbed.
Successful medical doctors were not supposed to cry. So she thought; so she’d been told. She wanted to call Jason, but she didn’t want to hear his voice mail, and of everyone in her life he was the one who most wanted her to “roll with it.” He thought she was high-maintenance, always riled up about something.
Her poor father. She had no idea why he was so restless lately but she blamed her mother. Anna should have found a way to get to the bottom of whatever problem was troubling her dad; what if he was sick and keeping the fact private, suffering in silence? Anna should never have let him go on that stupid rafting trip!
Her cell phone chirped and she looked at the screen on the phone. Her heart nearly sang. It was Jason! She had longed for him the past few days; she’d left him a couple of messages and he texted his replies, but this was him!
“Hello,” she said thickly.
“Jess, how you doing?”