Sydney regards me silently for a moment. “If you had the chance, knowing yours and Ridge’s relationship came to an end, would you take back the six years you spent with him?”
I don’t even need a second to answer her. I shake my head. “No. Of course not.”
Sydney lifts her shoulder in a knowing shrug. “If things ended badly between you and this Jake guy, I doubt you would take back the time you spent with him, either. We shouldn’t revolve our lives around their possible endings. We should revolve our lives around the experiences that lead to the endings.”
It’s quiet for a while.
Her words stick with me. Cling to me. Absorb into my skin.
She’s right. And while it’s been my goal to try to live life without focusing on the ending, that’s exactly what I keep reverting to. Especially when it comes to Jake. I don’t know why I’ve been telling myself that I can’t do both—experience my life to the fullest and allow myself to experience another relationship. It’s not like I can only have one and not the other.
“Maybe you should give him another chance,” Sydney suggests.
I let my head fall back with a sigh. “This poor guy,” I say. “I’m gonna give him whiplash with as much as I’ve gone back and forth with him.”
Sydney laughs. “Well, make sure you only go forth with him from now on, and not back.”
I take a deep breath and then stand up. “Okay. I’m going to call him.”
Sydney smiles, and I try to ignore my nerves as I walk back to my bedroom. I pull out my phone and open up my contacts. My hand begins to shake as I select his number. I lean against my bedroom door and close my eyes after I press his contact and put the phone on speaker.
It rings twice and then is immediately pushed through to voicemail.
He just pushed me through to voicemail.
It’s a crushing blow, but one I probably deserve. I wait for his voice.
“Hi, you’ve reached Dr. Jacob Griffin. Please leave a detailed message and I’ll return your call as soon as I’m available.”
I wait for the beep. And then I stutter my way through.
“Hey, Jake. It’s Maggie. Carson. Um…call me if you can. Or if you want, rather. If not, I understand. I just…yeah. Okay. Bye.”
As soon as I hang up, I groan and then fall onto my mattress. I can’t believe he pushed me through to voicemail. But then again, I can. And now the only thing he has that could change his mind is a nervous, embarrassing voicemail he’s probably listening to right now.
I wallow in self-pity for a few moments, but then I push myself off the bed and walk to the living room. Sydney is still at the bar, but Ridge is now back in the room. He’s showing her something on his phone, but Sydney gives her attention to me as soon as I walk out of my bedroom. I wave off her curiosity.
“He pushed me through to voicemail.”
She makes a face. “Oh. Maybe he’s busy?”
I shake my head and fall down onto the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. “Or maybe he realizes what a psycho I am for kicking him out of my house before he even finished cooking the bacon.”
“Yeah, that could be a possibility as well,” Sydney says.
I throw my arm over my face and try to come up with all the reasons why Jake isn’t worthy of this much regret.
I come up with nothing. He is absolutely worthy of my regret.
???
It’s been two hours. I’ve showered, put on my pajamas, and have looked at my phone five thousand times. Ridge left to go pick up dinner for everyone. Bridgette and Warren are here now and are actually sitting on the couch with me. Warren is in the middle, and Bridgette is on the other side of Warren. I’m playing Toy Blast on my phone, but not because I’m interested in the game. I’m just obsessed with staring at my phone screen now. Waiting. Hoping.
“Lesbian Libidos?” Warren asks.
“Not even close,” Bridgette says.
I glance over at him, wondering why the hell he keeps spouting off weird titles that sound like porn. He’s scrolling through a list on his phone.
“Babes in Bali?”
Bridgette actually laughs at that one. “If I got to go to Bali to film a porn, I wouldn’t be working at Hooters.”
Warren turns to her. “Wait,” he says. “How long have you worked at Hooters? Is it a Hooters-related porn?”
Okay, now I’m staring at both of them. What in the hell are they talking about?
Sydney is at the kitchen table doing homework. Apparently she senses my confusion because she offers up an explanation. “Bridgette kissed a girl in a porn film, and she refuses to tell Warren the name of it so that he can watch it. It’s become his life mission.”