“You’re unhappy.”
Wait, he was worried that I was unhappy? He was the one in the middle of a glaring contest with his windshield. “I’m not unhappy.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’re panicking because you think I’m mad at you. I can tell by your face.”
“Maybe you don’t know my face as well as you think you do because I’m fine.” Great, another person who could see through me, just what I needed.
He squeezed his hands over the wheel, knocking his head back, “Jesus fucking Christ, why are you so difficult?”
“Look, don’t yell at me, but I’m sorry for making you angry. I wasn’t ditching you for another guy or whatever it looked like. I thought your note meant you’d see me when I got home. Nate works the bar and makes me drinks sometimes to wind down, but that’s it.”
My words rushed out like lifesavers being thrown at a drowning man, sounding exactly as panicked as he’d accused me of being. But I couldn’t help it, I was desperate for him to understand that it wasn’t what it looked like. I wasn’t like that.
But they seemed to have the opposite effect. His features twisted, and he took a deep breath, holding it for several seconds before releasing it heavily. “You know, I keep waiting to have you all to myself, but every time I turn around, he’s always here with us.”
I looked around the car like an idiot. “Who’s always here?”
“Your ex.”
I flinched, “What about him?”
“I’m trying to figure out how I got rid of that son-of-a bitch, literally dunked his whiny ass in a random fucking porta-john, and yet he’s somehow still here, hanging over your shoulder.”
“Wait, you did what?”
“Why is he here?”
“What? You just said—”
“Why is he still in your head, Maddie?”
I pressed my back against the door, grasping at it like it could stabilize my heart. The heart he was currently exposing to the air. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about that fucking look on your face. Like you think it’s only a matter of time before I hurt you. Like you really thought I’d scream at you for tonight just because I was hurt.” He sighed. “Every time I think I’m getting you out of your shell, you let him put you right back.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I slapped my hand around behind me, searching for the door handle and yanking when I found it. I needed out of this enclosed space.
It’d only opened an inch before he lunged toward me, pulling the door shut and leaning down over my face.
“When I can’t be upset without you wondering what I’ll do, you’re inviting him in here,” he jabbed his finger toward my forehead.
“When we can’t sit here and talk like a normal couple without you worrying I’m going to scream at you, you’re letting that motherfucker pull up a chair and stay. You’re seeing my actions and comparing them to his.”
I smacked his hand away, “Stop saying that. I know you’re not like him.”
“Then kick him out.”
“I have.”
“No, you haven’t. Kick. Him. Out.”
“What do you think I’ve been doing for the last five years?” I snapped.
“Stop making excuses and kick him out, Madison. Stop thinking about him, stop comparing people to him, stop giving the bastard the privilege of your time.”