I tried everything, counting, counting backwards, reciting court case information I needed to test on, pinching myself, and holding my breath. But the tears kept coming, and now I desperately needed to blow my nose. Fuck. Why did it feel like every time I climbed an inch up, something kicked me in the face until I slid back a foot?
My heart hurt; a physical pain that wouldn’t lessen no matter how hard I tried. Nothing could make me feel worse than realizing I hadn’t known my child wanted something as simple as playing a freaking sport because he’d been too nervous to tell me. Nothing.
“Hey, everything okay?”
But that might come close.
My head snapped up, my swollen eyes and damp nose on full display for a man who could not have looked better. I pulled my sleeves down over my wrists, wiping at my eyes and wishing with all my might that I had an invisibility cloak I could slip over myself.
Garrett stood a few feet from my porch, appearing like a shadow in his black sweats and t-shirt. He had to be freezing, and the sudden knowledge I had his hoodie on inflamed my face. So now I was wet, swollen, and bright ass red while using his clothing as my own personal tissue. Perfect.
I thought about lying and saying I was fine, but it would’ve just made me look stupid. I was very clearly not fine. Denying the obvious would be pointless. “No. Not really.”
“Yeah, that was a dumb question.”
I winced, wiping my nose discreetly on my knee and tucking my legs in tighter to my chest. “What are you doing over here?”
He shifted his weight, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I was walking to my car and thought I heard something.”
I glanced at his feet, my eyes narrowing, which wasn’t much since they were practically swollen shut. I hadn’t thought I’d made any noise.
“You were going somewhere with no shoes on?” I hiccupped, making my words come out squeaky and pathetic.
His tongue darted out before he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. I subconsciously clenched my thighs closer together, eyes pinned to his mouth for reasons I didn’t want to explore.
“I was…looking for something.”
“Oh.”
He pulled a hand out of his pocket, gesturing to my stoop. “Mind if I have a seat?”
A little, yes. I’d come outside to avoid an audience to my meltdown, not advertise it to the hottest man I’d ever seen. But I was taken back to that day when I found him in a similar position—minus the tear stains.
“Sure. I mean, sure, like it’s fine,” I hiccupped again and ducked my head, breaking our stare. Why was I the way I was? If awkward had a name, it’d be mine.
Garrett climbed up, slowly bending those long, thick legs to sit next to me. We couldn’t have even been a foot apart, and his warmth and smell surrounded me even more than the hoodie did, the two somehow both calming me and waking me at the same time.
It wasn’t until I smelled the real thing that I realized his hoodie had long ago stopped smelling like him. I’d worn it to bed too many times, covering it in my own, less sexy scent. At least that would make it easier to convince myself to return it. Which I would do…as soon as he left.
“You want to talk about it?”
“It’s nothing. I just needed a minute.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing, and I’m a good listener.”
Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. Now that I’d started, I couldn’t seem to shut it off. “It’s fine.”
He leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs and side-eyeing me. “Is it about your ex-husband?”
I inhaled sharply, choking on my own saliva and proceeding to have a mild hacking fit. “No,” I croaked out.