“We’re both disasters anyway,” Acacia said. “But you got this, okay?”
Cassie tried to believe her. “Okay.”
Her phone buzzed in her hand. She switched Kaysh to speaker to check her messages.
Parker [6:34 PM]
You okay?
Cassie stared at the text. She had no idea if she was okay. She answered with what she knew.
Cassie [6:34 PM]
I’m sorry for lying to you
Parker [6:34 PM]
Thank you
“You gonna pick me up at the airport tomorrow with Parker?” Acacia asked.
“She just texted actually,” Cassie said. “I’m still pretty fucking lost on how she doesn’t hate me, but it seems like she doesn’t, so yeah, I’ll be there tomorrow.”
The last six months of her life had been turned upside down in the past week. All of it—what she’d been doing with Erin, what happened between her and Parker, all the shit she’d put Acacia through. But she was on the other side of it now. And she still had Acacia to give her a pep talk over the phone. She still had Parker texting her to check in.
Parker [6:35 PM]
We’ll talk about it tomorrow, yeah? Rn I gotta go calm my dad down, and you’re gonna go back to my mom’s, right?
Did Cassie still have Erin? Maybe she could, if she actually talked to her about it.
“I should probably head back to Erin’s,” Cassie said, sending a text to Parker along the same lines.
“You know what you’re gonna say?”
Cassie didn’t. “Not yet.”
“You got this,” Acacia said again.
“I’ll figure it out, anyway.”
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
“See you tomorrow.”
“Fuck yeah.”
No matter what happened the rest of the night, tomorrow Cassie was going to go with one of her best friends to pick up the other for a long weekend. Things weren’t all bad.
After hanging up, Cassie didn’t give herself time to second-guess before getting back on her bike. But she didn’t head straight to Erin’s. She didn’t want to show up empty-handed. Plus, a longer ride meant more time to figure out what the hell she was going to do.
Because she could do this. She could admit to wanting Erin. Make herself vulnerable. Ask for something she wanted. Risk having to see Erin’s face when she said no.
Maybe Erin didn’t want to be with her. Cassie didn’t know—she’d heard what Erin said to Rachel, but she hadn’t heard the entire conversation. Maybe she’d missed something. She must’ve, since Erin hadn’t disagreed when Parker had said they were dating.
Cassie tried not to talk herself out of it. Erin liked her. She liked her enough to look for apartments for her. She liked her enough to sleep with her, even when that should’ve fucked up her relationship with Parker. She liked her enough to drive an hour and a half to surprise her, just because she’d had a long day.
Liking her and wanting to date her were different things, of course, just like Cassie had been telling Acacia. But they were in the same galaxy, following similar orbits. Cassie just had to figure out how to get them to collide.
Okay, the metaphor kind of fell apart there, but the point was: Cassie needed to do something.
It should probably be something mature. That was probably the biggest hang-up here, right? That Cassie was barely old enough to drink while Erin was turning forty in six months? Now that it turned out Parker was okay with it, the age difference had to be the biggest obstacle. But Cassie had no idea how to prove she was old enough, mature enough, to be worthwhile. There was nothing romantic in showing off tax returns, and Erin already knew Cassie had a job that paid her bills. Cassie had been taking care of herself since she’d hit double digits.
And anyway, fuck should.
Besides, her relationship with Erin—now that she could admit this was the right word for it—wasn’t about being taken care of. She didn’t give a shit that Erin was older than her. She cared that Erin was funny and smart and made her feel safe. It didn’t hurt that she was hot as fuck.
Erin made Cassie happy. And Cassie wanted to make her happy. That was what their relationship was about.
Cassie needed to go back with something that said this. Yeah, she could do wine or chocolate or something traditionally romantic and boring. But Erin wasn’t boring. She deserved so much more than boring. She deserved her clinic and winter vacations to anywhere near the equator and scuba diving.
Scuba diving.
It would be ridiculous, maybe. It certainly wasn’t going to prove Cassie’s maturity. But it would say what Cassie wanted to say.