She saw it in his face, a steely determination that fit uncomfortably on his handsome features, like a boy stepping into his dad’s oversized shoes and pretending they fit. “You ready to do this?” he asked, coming around to her side of the car.
“No.”
He gave her a confident smile. “It’ll be cool. You’ll see. Come on.”
She let him take her hand and lead her into the house.
Miles and Jude lay engtangled on the sofa, each reading a book. Mia lay stretched out on the sectional’s other end, watching TV. In a pink terrycloth hoodie, baggy gray sweats, and rhinestoned flip-flops, she looked like a little girl playing dress up. It wasn’t until you saw her bloodshot eyes that you knew how wounded she still was, how fragile.
Mia got to her feet. “Hey guys,” she said, smiling a little too brightly.
Lexi’s heart ached for her best friend; she saw how hard Mia was trying to be strong. She went to her, hugged her fiercely. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” Mia said. “Or I will be. You guys should stop worrying about me.”
“Mom? Dad?” Zach said, coming forward. “I need to talk to you.”
Jude looked up sharply. Lexi was reminded of one of those nature shows where the prey animal steps on a twig and the predator suddenly looks up. That was how Jude looked now—on alert. “You want to talk to us? What’s wrong?” She got up quickly, moved toward her son.
Zach took a deep breath. “I’m not going to USC. I want all three of us to go to Seattle Central CC. Mia? We could get an apartment.”
Jude froze.
“What?” Miles got to his feet. “We paid your tuition deposit. It’s nonrefundable. Damn it, Zach—”
“I never asked you to pay it,” Zach yelled back.
“You never asked us not to,” Miles said harshly. He stood beside Jude, who’d gone pale. “Well, I’ll tell you this, I’m not paying for any damn apartment. If you want to throw opportunity away, you can do it on your tab. See how much fun college is when you have to work full-time and pay your own bills.”
“That’s not fair,” Zach said. “You can’t—”
“Stop,” Jude hissed, holding up a hand. She looked shell-shocked, a little dazed. “I don’t understand. Talk to us, Zach.”
“Zach,” Mia said, frowning. “You won’t go to school with me?”
“I can’t leave her,” he said, looking miserable.
“And you can leave me? Me?” Mia said, starting to cry.
“No. I want you to come with us. I said that,” Zach answered. “Come on, Mia—”
“What choice do I have?” Mia cried, looking from Zach to Lexi. “I guess this is you being my friend, too, huh?” Then she ran for the stairs.
Zach followed his sister from the room and up the stairs.
Lexi felt Jude’s gaze on her, judging her, blaming her, and Lexi felt a rush of shame. This family had done so much for her, given her so much, and now she was to blame for this. It took all her courage to look up into Jude’s disappointed face. “Don’t be mad at me,” she whispered, wringing her hands. “Please.”
“You don’t understand what you’ve done,” Jude said. Her voice was shaky and her face was pale.
“I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault.”
“Isn’t it?”
“I didn’t tell him to do this … to want this.”
“Think of Mia instead of Zach. Instead of yourself. You know how talented she is, and how shy. How would it be if the three of you lived together—really. How long before you and Zach started to ignore her?”
“That would never happen.”
“Really? It looks as if it just did.” Jude paused; her face seemed to soften at that. “I’m sorry. I hate to tangle you up in all of this. But if they don’t go to USC they’ll regret it, and sooner or later they’ll blame you.”
Lexi hated the truth she heard in those words.
“Talk to them,” Jude said, clutching Miles’s hand so tightly her fingers were white.
Lexi wanted to say no, at least to be uncertain about what to do, but she wasn’t. Some courses of action were obvious. She had done the wrong thing once before, risked her friendship with Mia and her place in this family. Then, as now, love and longing had blinded her. It was a mistake she refused to repeat.
She turned her back on Miles and Jude and made her way across the room—bigger suddenly, an endless sea crossing—and went up the stairs. They were in Mia’s room, standing like a pair of matched statues, staring at each other.