He stood and waited in silence. He wanted to say a final goodbye. In private.
Peter and his father, as if sensing that, hugged him before they walked slowly from the graveside.
The minister stepped forward and shook McNeal’s hand. “In this time of darkness, Jack, please remember the Lord is watching over us all.”
McNeal nodded. “I hope so.”
The minister drifted slowly away from the graveside, finally leaving him alone with his thoughts.
McNeal stood for what seemed like an eternity. Off in the distance he could see two gravediggers waiting for him to depart. They stood beside some trees on the edge of the cemetery. He bent down, picked up some dirt, and threw it down onto her coffin. “Caroline, until we meet again. I wish I could have been there for you. I just want you to know that I love you, and I haven’t stopped loving you. Maybe sometime soon, who knows when, I’ll see you again.”
He stared down at the lumps of earth on the coffin, his heart feeling as if it had been ripped out by its roots.
“I just want you to know that.”
A few hours later, the McNeals returned to the sanctuary of the Westport house. Jack’s sister-in-law, Muriel, had told Peter she’d stay there with their three children while the others were at the cemetery.
Muriel fussed around, fixing drinks and food.
McNeal read the cards from friends and colleagues, past and present. And there was even one from Bob Buckley expressing his deep sorrow.
McNeal was touched. His boss was tough. He hadn’t expected that.
When Muriel had fed the kids and everyone had a drink in their hand, she took herself and the kids out of the house and across to the beach. It was like she instinctively knew the men wanted to be by themselves.
Peter leaned forward, glass of beer in hand. “I don’t know if and when I should talk about this. Maybe it’s not the best time.”
“What is it?” Jack said.
“I hope you don’t mind me speaking my piece, Jack.”
“Spit it out. We’re family.”
“It’s been more than a week, and still we don’t have a rational explanation. We’ve got an official narrative. The chain of events. She was depressed. She took the pills. Then she took her life. But did she? I feel as if . . . something doesn’t feel right. I can’t imagine her taking drugs. I can’t imagine her walking into the Potomac.”
Jack felt the same. He wasn’t surprised Peter had raised the issue. None of it made sense. The shocking nature of Caroline’s death. The widespread press coverage. “It’s a lot to take in.”
“I just don’t get it,” Peter said.
“There were drugs in her system.”
“I’m not buying it. I’ve got a feeling about this. In my bones.”
McNeal nodded.
“I can’t quite explain it.”
“You don’t want to explain because it might upset me?”
Peter bowed his head. “That’s right.”
Their father fixed his gaze on Jack. “Maybe it was a tragic accident. That’s what they’re saying. It was a cry for help. But what are you saying, Jack? What do you think happened to Caroline? I don’t know about you, but I’m still struggling to accept that she would take her own life. I don’t believe she walked into the water and killed herself.”
McNeal took a small sip of the scotch and sighed. The liquor warmed his belly. “Sometimes we think we know people. I thought I knew her. But maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. She was away a lot. There was distance between us a lot of the time. She was hit hard by Patrick’s death. That’s a lot to deal with.”
“Caroline always struck me as a straightforward kind of girl, if you know what I mean.”
Peter nodded his agreement.
Their father went on, “I think it’s a stretch, a major league stretch, to believe she killed herself. What do you think?”
“I don’t know. I wish I knew. What do we know for sure? All we know is she was found floating in the Potomac. She was an avid jogger. She said she regularly jogged the trails that go past the Potomac. Maybe she fell in. I don’t know.”
Peter said, “Jack, you know how it works. I know you’re Internal Affairs now, and you know how I feel about that, but you were a cop once. A detective. Where are the DC police in this? Why haven’t they been speaking to you? Why the Secret Service? It’s like a lockdown situation. Everything is need to know. It’s weird.”
McNeal sighed, not wanting to drag his family into the whole sad saga. “All I’ve been told is that the Secret Service are leading on this. I assume they have their reasons.”