I sit next to him, unsure how close I’m supposed to be. “You must be freezing.”
“I am.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be going to New Zealand?”
“I’m leaving in a little bit. I just thought maybe we could do this before I go.”
He’s looking at the sunrise, not me, so I follow suit. We watch as the remaining gray lightens to pink and then deep blue.
He turns to me. “So, this whole time you’ve been sitting here every morning by yourself.”
“Yep.”
“And every morning I was picturing you here with Ben. Ben in my spot, saying stupid stuff about things he’d never do. Ben putting you down. Ben in your bed. I was so angry.”
“I thought you just ghosted me.” I’m looking at my hands resting on my pajama bottoms, which are a bad flannel with too many colors. I fold the fabric to hide two mustard stains.
“Nora.” He turns his whole body to me now, exasperated. “How was that a possibility given everything you know about me? That would have meant our whole thing was a lie.”
I don’t look at him. I’m afraid of what he’ll see if he looks directly into my eyes. I nod. “That was the worst part. At some point I sort of figured I’d imagined it.”
He turns back to the trees, and we’re quiet for a while. There aren’t a lot of birds, but there are a few hearty cardinals flying around, landing on leafless branches. Everything I wanted to say to Leo when we were apart doesn’t make any sense anymore. All the story lines I’d devised to answer the question “Why?” are irrelevant.
And then it really hits me. “You seriously believed I’d just take Ben back? Were you even listening? Did you even watch the movie? Eew.”
“I know. I’ve been wrestling with that all night. But I think when you love a ten-year-old kid and he tells you something, you just take it at face value. And you four were a family, if your kids could have had that back, I would never mess with that.”
He takes my hand, just barely. He’s touching the tips of his fingers to mine, and we are both staring at them. It’s nothing and everything, our hands touching. I say, “It was a crazy big lie.”
“It was,” he says. “And maybe the whole time I was here I felt like I was borrowing this. Like I didn’t deserve to keep it.”
“This?” I say, motioning to the rotting porch decking and the rusted chain on the swing.
“No, this,” he says and squeezes my hand. He kisses me, and it’s all back in a second—the dizzy swirly flood of happiness and excitement. It’s last year again, and Leo’s kissing me on the porch. Except it’s not last year. It’s this year, and I’m Me 2.0.
He pulls away but doesn’t let go of my hand. “So I want to leave today and then come back. Like, here.”
“Okay,” I say. Okay! I mean.
“Like, I want you to know I’m coming back. And if you think I’m not coming back, then I want you to say, ‘Hey, asshole, how come it seems like you’re not coming back?’ Like a normal woman.”
I nod. “I should have said that. Would have saved a lot of trouble.”
“We lost a lot of time. And it was horrible. No more of this stoic crap.”
It’s so nice to be sitting next to him on this swing that I’m doing a lot more feeling than listening. Leo wants me to know he’s coming back. Leo’s coming back. “Okay,” I say.
“You know what? I don’t trust you. Here.” Leo grabs my left hand and shoves a thin gold band on my finger. This is less like a romantic gesture and more like the handcuffing of a fugitive. “We’re married now, okay? Like in your head, just get that straight. This is happening.”
I laugh because it’s so absurd, and also because I am so light. A thousand pounds of hurt have been lifted off my chest. “Okay, we’re married,” I say, and he kisses me again. I can’t help but think this is better than any wedding I could imagine.
“That’s my mom’s ring,” he says. “It was the best I could do in the last three hours. But wear it till I get back, and then I’ll get you a new big gross one if you want. To go with your marble countertops.” He tilts his head to my new kitchen.
There’s a car pulling into the driveway. Leo gives the driver a wave and makes no move to get up. “So you’re coming back here? Like to live in Laurel Ridge?” I ask. Suddenly, the whole thing makes no sense.