Jack rolls his eyes at me so quickly, I’m sure nobody else at the table sees it. He can’t stand it when Michelle sends back her food. Can’t we have one goddamn meal where she doesn’t find fault in her order?
My phone buzzes with a text. I pull it out of my purse and see a message from Penny:
Emma settled down. I’ve got everybody watching cartoons, and I’m making mac & cheese for lunch.
I smile at the text. Emma’s favorite food is macaroni and cheese. She would probably eat it for every meal including breakfast if I let her.
“Emma’s okay,” I tell Noah.
He grunts with a mouth full of burger.
“What’s wrong with Emma?” Lindsay asks. She’s Emma’s godmother, and the kids think of her as family.
“She had this dream that a monster was going to eat us,” I say.
Lindsay clasps a hand over her mouth. “Oh no! Poor thing…”
“It’s Claire’s fault,” Noah announces to the table. “She fills her head with nonsense and this is what happens.”
My mouth falls open. “It’s my fault? I filled her head with nonsense?”
Noah puts down his half-eaten burger and glares at me across the table. “You’re not honest with them. I mean, if you tell them the tooth fairy is real, why shouldn’t they believe in monsters?”
This is an argument Noah and I have had many times before. He feels strongly that the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny, and even Santa are not things parents should ever lie to their kids about. But I hate the idea of my kids being the only ones at school who never believed in the magic of Santa. I remember the first time Aiden lost a baby tooth and I told him the tooth fairy was going to put something special under his pillow, and he said, “I know it’s just you.” It was a jab in my heart.
Aidan has always been more practical like his father, but Emma is different. Even though Noah has assured her that all these things aren’t real, she still secretly believes Santa comes down our chimney on Christmas Eve. I love that about her.
“There’s nothing wrong with pretending the tooth fairy is real,” I say. “It doesn’t hurt them.”
“Obviously it does.” Noah’s hazel eyes are flashing, even through his glasses. “Because now she thinks a monster is going to eat us.”
I appeal to the rest of the table. “I don’t think there’s anything horrible about a kid believing in Santa. Is there?”
“I loved waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve when I was a kid,” Lindsay sighs. I can always count on her to stick up for me. “I looked forward to it all year.”
“But it’s all a lie.” Noah frowns. “I’m sorry, but I can’t outright lie to my children. They deserve to know the truth.”
“It’s all just in fun,” Warner says. “I don’t see anything wrong with it.”
Noah blinks at us. “So nobody has a problem with making kids believe that a morbidly obese man comes down the chimney with a giant bag of presents? Nobody else is troubled by that?”
“Geez, Noah,” Jack says. “When did you get to be such a Grinch?”
I would have thought Noah would sit here arguing about the evils of Santa Claus for the next hour, but when Jack says that, he jerks his head back like he got punched. He stands up abruptly from the table, leaving his half-eaten plate of food. He reaches into his wallet, pulls out a couple of twenties, and drops them on the table.
“I’m done eating. I’m going to wait in the car,” he says.
As Noah storms out of the diner, I feel Jack’s hand under the table take my own. He gives me a squeeze with his big, warm palm. But it doesn’t make me feel even a tiny bit better.
“I… I think I’m going to go get some air,” I gulp.
I rise unsteadily to my feet and stumble out of the diner. I see Noah over by the minivan, so I go in the opposite direction. There’s a little nook behind the diner that’s quiet and isolated. And it only smells slightly like garbage.
I take a shaky breath. My eyes are watery and I swipe at them at the back of my hand. I don’t want to cry right now, because my eyes will get all red and puffy, and when I get back to the car, everyone will know. I’ve got to keep it together.
Keep it together, Claire. Only a couple more hours and you don’t have to see him again for the rest of the trip.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I had thought I could stay with Noah long enough to get through the kids at least being in high school, but I don’t know if that’s possible anymore. This trip has opened up my eyes. We hate each other.