God, I don’t know what to do.
“Claire?”
Lindsay is standing behind me, her light brown eyebrows bunched together. I had thought Jack might be the one to come check on me, but of course, he couldn’t. Not with Michelle sitting right there.
“Hey,” I say.
She chews on her lip. “Are you okay?”
I nod, even though I’m not actually okay. “Yeah. I just needed some air.”
Lindsay opens her mouth, but she doesn’t look quite certain what she wants to say. She’s been around since Noah and I first started dating. She used to do my hair with the curling iron before he and I would go out. I’ve confided in her some of the problems I’ve had with Noah, but I’ve played it down. I don’t want to bore her with all my married life problems. She doesn’t want to hear about our millionth argument over the toilet paper.
But when she finally does speak, what she says surprises me: “I saw you and Jack at the gas station.”
My heart skips in my chest. Is she saying what I think she’s saying? Maybe not. I’m going to play dumb. “What… what do you mean?”
Her face falls. “You know what I mean. I saw the two of you… you know, kissing. I was going to tell you in the bathroom, but then Michelle walked in and…”
“Oh.” I drop my eyes and kick at the ground with my sneaker. “I see.”
“Claire…”
“Don’t say it.” My eyes fill with fresh tears. “You see the way he treats me.”
“I know.” She steps closer and I can feel her soft hand rest on my shoulder. “I don’t blame you, honestly. He’s horrible to you. But to do it with Jack… I mean, he’s—”
“He’s Noah’s best friend. I know.”
Lindsay throws her arms around me, enveloping me in a hug. And that pretty much does it—I start sobbing. I’m getting tears and snot all over Lindsay’s tank top, but she seems okay with it. It makes me realize how long it’s been since I’ve had a really good hug.
We stand there for way too long before I finally pull away. I can tell without looking in a mirror that my eyes are swollen. “I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what?”
I shake my head. “I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re not a terrible person.” Lindsay brushes a wet strand of hair from my face. “But if you want to leave Noah, you should leave him. Don’t mess around behind his back.”
“You’re right.” I accept the crumbled tissue Lindsay hands me. “I really don’t want him to find out about me and Jack.”
She tilts her head to the side. “You don’t think he already knows?”
My heart sinks into my stomach. “You… you think he knows?”
“Well…” She shifts her weight between her boots. “Yes. I do. I think he knows.”
“Why?”
“It’s just a feeling I get.” She cranes her head to look over at the minivan. Noah is sitting inside, in the driver’s seat. He’s just staring straight out the windshield, unmoving. “I mean, I’ve known Noah for fifteen years, and I’ve never seen him act this way before. He’s generally pretty even-tempered.”
“Yeah…”
She’s right. Noah has recently stepped up his game when it comes to being obnoxious to me. Things had been getting gradually worse for so long, I just thought it was part of the trajectory. But maybe there’s a reason things have gotten so much worse lately. Maybe he does know.
Once again, I get that strong feeling I should back out of the trip now, while I still have a chance. As much as I’m looking forward to having a room alone with Jack, it isn’t worth the risk. Michelle could find out. Noah could find out, if he doesn’t know already. And this trip seems to be putting the final nail in the coffin when it comes to our marriage.
But I don’t know how I’m going to get home at this point. We’ve been driving for two hours, so it wouldn’t be a quick ride back home. It would cost a fortune.
It looks like I’m stuck. This trip is happening. But I’m going to take Lindsay’s advice. As soon as we get back to Castle Pines, I’m telling Noah it’s over.
Chapter 9
CLAIRE
It takes all my will power to march back to my minivan and sit down next to Noah in the passenger seat. The others have already taken their seats in the back, and I’m tempted to ask one of them if they’d like to trade. I don’t want to sit next to Noah. But it would be awkward to say that, so I sit down. And he shoots me a look like he wishes he had taken off without me.