I feel Jack’s arms around me. I sob into his chest like I haven’t cried in years. Why did I go on this trip? I don’t know anything about the wilderness. I just wanted a week away. Is that really so awful?
Oh, Lindsay…
When I pull away from Jack, there are wet spots on his shirt from my leaking eyes, rimmed with mascara. For a moment, I try to get control of my emotions, but there’s no hope of that. My legs give out beneath me and I fall to the ground. I squeeze handfuls of dirt in my palms as I gasp for air.
“Lindsay,” I whisper.
She looks so still, lying there. It seems impossible to believe she’s gone.
I met Lindsay on my first day of college. I had been so nervous about my new roommate—I got butterflies whenever I thought about it. I had heard so many horror stories from people about bad roommates, and then when Lindsay walked in with her cute blond bob and shy smile, I couldn’t help but throw my arms around her. She laughed and hugged me back.
Lindsay will never hug me back again.
When the kids were born, there was nobody else I would’ve considered asking to be their godmother. The kids adore their Aunt Lindsay. Even though we’ve grown apart a bit since I embraced suburban life, she’s always got an armful of presents for them when she comes over.
What will I tell Aiden and Emma?
“Claire?” It’s Jack’s voice. “Are you okay?”
“No!” I bury my face in my hands. “I’m not okay!”
This is all my fault. Lindsay wanted to stay behind, and I said no. I said we should stay with the group. If only I had stayed behind in the car with Lindsay, she’d be alive right now. Or if I had tried harder to talk her out of eating those berries…
I want to give up. I feel like lying down in the dirt and not going another step.
“What are we going to do next?” Michelle pipes up.
That’s Michelle all over. My best friend is lying on the ground dead, her body not even cold yet, and Michelle is plotting our next move. I lift my head to glare at her. Of the five of us, she seems the least frazzled by far. Her black hair doesn’t have a strand out of place, and even her makeup is intact.
I shoot daggers at her with my eyes. “What’s the difference?”
“What’s the difference?” she repeats. She gives me a sharp look that reminds me that I probably shouldn’t have been clinging to her husband for comfort. I hadn’t been thinking about it at the time, but now I realize how that must’ve looked to everyone else—especially Michelle. The truth is, I’m scared of this woman. “The difference is that we’re still lost. We don’t have much food or water, and it’s now nighttime. We need to keep moving.”
I scramble back to my feet. “We can’t leave Lindsay here.”
Michelle stares at me. “She’s dead, Claire. And if we don’t get moving, we will be too.”
I shake my head.
“I’m surprised at you.” Michelle lifts an eyebrow. “You’ve got two young children waiting for you at home. You really don’t care about getting back safely for them?”
I suck in a breath. She makes a good point. If I had eaten those berries like Lindsay, I could be lying on the ground beside her—dead. Emma and Aiden wouldn’t have a mother anymore. All of a sudden, my longing for my children becomes so intense that I feel like I’m suffocating.
But at the same time, I can’t imagine leaving Lindsay here like this. Just lying on the ground. What if animals start eating her? I feel sick at the thought of scavengers chewing at her skin. She doesn’t deserve that. Even if she’s dead.
Oh God, I can’t believe she’s dead. Lindsay, Lindsay…
“Warner,” I say pleadingly. He looked so haunted when he pulled away from Lindsay’s dead body. There’s no way he’s going to want to keep moving. “You think we should stay, don’t you?”
Warner wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. He looks down at Lindsay, his light brown eyebrows scrunched together.
“I…” He clears his throat. “I actually… I think Michelle is right. We have to keep moving.”
I stare at him in disbelief. “What? Are you serious?”
He lets out a long sigh. “We have to. It’s our only hope. That’s what Lindsay would’ve wanted.”
My mouth falls open. I can’t believe other people are agreeing to this. Especially Warner, the guy who was sleeping with Lindsay and apparently so in love with her that he was going to pop the question this week. He should be showing a little more grief for the woman he almost married. He should be sobbing into his hands. Not spouting bullshit about how Lindsay would’ve wanted us to abandon her body here in the middle of the woods.