“You’re kidding,” I say. “Aren’t you sad? Can’t we take five goddamn minutes to grieve?”
His full lips purse. “What do you want me to say? I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. Lindsay was a beautiful woman. This was tragic.” He takes a deep breath. “But it’s not going to help Lindsay for us to die here.”
I look over at Jack, whose eyebrows are bunched together. He hasn’t said a word about any of this. But he’ll support me. He’s known Lindsay almost as long as I have. And he cares about me more than anyone else in this group, including my own husband. Not for the first time, I wonder what sort of life I would have had if I had ditched Noah for Jack at that party in college. “Jack…？”
“I agree with Michelle and Warner,” he says quietly. “We need to keep moving.”
I jerk my head back like I’ve been slapped. I know they’re just being logical, of course. It’s not like I want to be stuck out here in the wilderness. It’s not like I want to starve to death or die of thirst. I want to go home to my family. But at the same time, I just can’t fathom leaving Lindsay like this.
But what am I supposed to do? Stay here alone with a dead body?
“As soon as we get to the inn,” Jack says, “we’ll send somebody to… collect her.”
“Collect her?” How could he be so cold? “What if they can’t find her? Or what if it’s too late and she’s already been…”
I can’t even bring myself to say the words. I can’t think about scavengers ripping apart my best friend’s dead body. I try to look into Jack’s brown eyes, but he averts his eyes.
“Let’s get moving,” Warner says. “It shouldn’t be much longer.”
Jack shifts his backpack on his shoulders and follows Warner. Michelle does the same. I stand there, looking down at Lindsay’s motionless body. I can’t just leave her. I can’t.
“Hey.”
I turn my head and see Noah standing behind me. Somehow, I’d almost forgotten he was with us. He backed away when I was clinging to Jack. If he says a word about that, I swear to God, I will lose it completely.
“Hey,” I manage around the lump in my throat.
“Listen.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “If you want to stay behind, I’ll stay with you.”
I blink at him—it’s the last thing I expected him to say. “You will?”
He nods. “Yeah, you… you shouldn’t be alone here.”
I look ahead. The others have gained a lot of distance on us already. If we wait much longer, we won’t be able to catch up anymore. Whatever I decide, I have to decide right now.
“Do you think I’m being stupid for wanting to stay behind?” I say.
Noah shakes his head. “Lindsay was your best friend. I don’t blame you.” He sighs. “It all doesn’t feel real, you know?”
I nod. I look ahead again to the others. I feel awful about what happened to Lindsay. But it could’ve easily been me lying on the ground right now. I dodged a bullet.
For now, at least. The scary reality is we don’t have much water. And we can’t survive long without water. I imagine Penny telling my children that their parents didn’t make it home. That they’ll have to grow up without us. I imagine the way their faces would crumble.
I have to keep moving. For Emma and Aiden.
“I think we should stay with the others,” I finally say.
“Okay,” he agrees.
I pick a wildflower from the ground. It’s Lindsay’s favorite color—purple. I gently lay the flower down on her chest. I kiss my fingertips, then gently press them against Lindsay’s cheek. She still feels warm, but in another hour or two, her body will be cold. I don’t want to think about it. I straighten up and start walking in the direction the others went. Noah follows beside me, although keeping a respectful distance.
“Thanks for offering to stay,” I say to him.
He’s quiet for a moment. “I’m really glad you didn’t eat any of those berries.”
Me too.
Chapter 15
CLAIRE
We’ve been walking about another hour when I hear a woman’s scream from up ahead.
After what happened to Lindsay, my pulse immediately shoots up. I’ve been walking alone for the last half hour or so. Noah was staying beside me initially, but then he went ahead to see how the navigation process was going. I can’t even begin to read the map and the arguments about which way to go were stressing me out, so I stayed behind. I don’t feel like talking to anybody anyway—all I can think about is Lindsay. Every time I shut my eyes for a moment, I see her pale face.