‘I’m pregnant.’ The words slipped out so unexpectedly, so quietly, that her surprise almost matched his.
‘What?’ His eyes widened.
‘I found out just before the hen. You were in Ireland. I wanted to tell you in person. I’m eleven weeks.’
Ed ran a hand across his jawline. ‘Jesus Christ. Pregnant. You’re pregnant.’ His gaze travelled over her face, sliding down to her stomach. ‘A baby,’ he said, his voice low. ‘How do you feel?’
If she thought only of the baby – of the bundle of cells multiplying inside her, making a home deep in her body, sharing her oxygen, her blood, her nutrients, her energy – she felt full, happy. ‘I want this baby. I’m happy about it.’
His mouth broadened into a wide, spontaneous smile. ‘This is … this is wonderful!’
‘We said we never wanted children.’
‘I said that because I thought it was what you wanted.’ He stood, taking her fingers in his, drawing her to her feet, circling his arms around her. His body was warm, firm. He pressed his lips against the top of her head. ‘God, I love you. And I’m going to love our baby.’
It was the right thing to say. The right thing to do. She waited to feel a stirring of comfort, or desire, or happiness – but none of those feelings emerged. He was holding her too tightly, pinning her body to his. Her stomach felt compressed, restricted. She could feel the soft crush of petals beneath her bare feet.
She edged out of his grip.
Ed looked at her, head angled. ‘What is it?’
‘Luca.’ Just saying his name aloud made the whispering in Lexi’s chest grow louder. ‘Your son, Luca. Why don’t you see him?’
‘Christ, I was so young. Juliana – Ana – and I weren’t even in a relationship. It was, well, you can imagine – a … one-off.’
‘A one-night stand.’ It felt important that he name this, be clear.
He nodded. ‘Weeks later, she turned up telling me she’s pregnant. I was honest with her right away. Said I didn’t want to be a dad. I was too young. Still a kid. I’d not long graduated. I had this whole big plan of how life was going to roll out – and then there was this girl I’d met once telling me she was having my baby. I was terrified.’
‘What about her?’
He blinked. ‘Sorry?’
‘Ana. How do you think she felt? Don’t you think she was terrified, too?’
His tone changed, sharpened. ‘She didn’t have to keep the baby. At least she got a choice.’
A moth flew towards the candle on the terrace, dancing erratically above the flame, before its wing tip caught alight. Lexi smelt burning as it spiralled down, falling to the table. It dragged its body in a pitiful circle. Ed picked up the sculpture, crushing the moth beneath the bronze base.
A kindness, she knew – and yet she found herself looking into his eyes, searching for a suggestion of something else. Something hinted at in the way Eleanor spoke of her brother. Something that explained Bella’s wariness of Ed. Something to make sense of the anxiety Lexi had felt building all weekend. She tried to read his expression, to feel the truth of who he was.
It had been so easy for Ed to walk away from Luca. The same way her father had walked away from Sadie. Both men had the frightening ability to detach, compartmentalise.
In the bay below, she could see the faint glow of the beach fire. She pressed her fingertips into her hairline. ‘Why hasn’t Ana spoken to you in all these years? Why befriend me?’
‘She’s obviously got issues – tracking me down, pretending to be your friend, coming out here on your hen do, for God’s sake! I’m only sorry that you’ve been dragged into this. I hate that she’s duped us all.’
Is that it? Lexi’s thoughts felt muddied, as if she couldn’t tally the two versions of Ana: the friend she’d grown close to over recent months, admiring her strength and spirit – and then this newly glimpsed Ana who’d been concealing secrets, lying.
‘I plan to seek legal advice. It may be that we need to consider a restraining order.’
‘Really?’
‘For all we know, she could be dangerous.’
There was movement across the terrace, footsteps so light and soft that Lexi didn’t hear someone stealing towards them until they’d reached Ed’s shoulder.
‘Dangerous,’ Ana said, coming to a halt. Her face was in shadow, but Lexi could determine the hard cast of her gaze, eyes fixed on Ed. Her red dress cloaked her like a warning. ‘There’s an interesting word.’