77
Ana
Here he was. Standing in front of her. Edward Tollock. In his white shirt, sleeves casually rolled.
Luca’s father.
It had been almost sixteen years since she’d been this close to him – but her body remembered: a shiver travelling down her spine; a tightening across the back of her neck, like invisible hackles rising; a retraction in the soft flesh at her middle, drawing herself in, away.
‘What are you doing here? You need to leave,’ he instructed in a low voice intended to command authority.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she said, blood roaring in her ears. ‘There are things Lexi needs to hear.’
‘Neither of us are interested in anything you have to say,’ Ed said, matter-of-factly.
Footsteps sounded behind them, causing Ana to turn. Eleanor and Robyn were guiding a shivering Bella onto the terrace. Her dress was soaked and make-up streaked her face.
‘My God, what’s happened?’ Lexi asked.
‘It’s okay, I’m fine,’ Bella said, her voice shaken. She looked at Ed. ‘What’s he doing here?’
Eleanor was staring at him, too, her expression creased with confusion.
‘I came to talk to Lexi.’
Ana noted the way Lexi’s spine stiffened as he placed his hand against the small of her back.
Lexi turned from him, facing Ana. ‘What is it I need to hear?’
Can I go through with this? Right here, in front of them all? She glanced at Ed, a look of impatience pricking his features. Her heart was pounding, but she steadied herself by drawing air deep into her lungs. ‘A year ago, Luca asked to meet his father,’ she told Lexi. ‘It shouldn’t have come as a surprise – I knew one day he’d ask that question. I said that he needed to wait until he was sixteen. If he still wanted to find his father then, I’d help him.’
‘I made it clear I didn’t want to be involved,’ Ed said, his voice studiously level.
To him, Ana said, ‘Luca is a strong-minded, intelligent boy. Even if I’d told him that I wouldn’t help, he’d have gone looking for you himself. If he tracked you down, I needed to know who he’d find. So I looked you up. Found out where you were working. Went to your office. I waited outside to talk to you. But when I saw you … I just … I couldn’t do it …’ She’d started to tremble, her whole body overtaken by a cold fear. Her throat constricted, shallowing her breath until she could barely snatch a breath.
‘Why couldn’t you talk to Ed?’ Lexi asked, hands balled into fists at her sides.
Ana’s gaze fixed on Ed, who was standing with his feet planted wide, a stance associated with control, authority. Yet she also noticed the knot of tension in his jaw, the narrowed eyes, the tell of a hand moving fleetingly to the back of his neck.
‘Do you want to tell Lexi about the night I got pregnant?’
He baulked. ‘You expect me to talk my fiancée through a quick shag, sixteen years ago, that I can barely remember?’
‘I remember,’ Ana said, drawing herself up from her core. ‘You’d just graduated and you threw a house party to celebrate. My roommate knew one of your friends, so we came along. It was my birthday.’ Ana didn’t usually drink heavily – couldn’t afford to – but it was her nineteenth birthday and her friends had taken her for happy-hour cocktails. She’d arrived at the party feeling giddy, light-headed, lit with a bloom of false confidence. She remembered dancing in the lounge, enjoying the way this handsome graduate stood in the doorway, watching.
‘You approached me, asked if I’d like a drink somewhere quieter. You were holding a bottle of vodka. I followed you upstairs.’ She remembered being flattered that this well-spoken man in his smart leather shoes was so taken with her. ‘When we walked into your bedroom, you locked the door.’ She swallowed, recalling the first breath of unease. ‘You uncapped the vodka and passed me the bottle. Didn’t offer me a glass.’ There’d been something in his expression, a hint of amusement, as if he were setting her a test. She drank straight from the bottle, the alcohol scorching her throat. ‘Then you took down your trousers and said, Put your mouth there.’
‘Christ’s sake!’ Ed burst out. ‘I’m not listening to this!’
Ana’s heart was beating fiercely. Shame burned hot in her cheeks, travelling all the way to her scalp. She wanted to run, leave, get away from Ed. She wanted to be at home with Luca, watching a film and eating popcorn. She ground her teeth together. Forced herself to continue.