‘I am.’
I should ask why but I don’t because, even though a good mood might make him more amenable to my request, I hate that he gets to feel any sort of happiness when he has reduced my world to one of constant fear. ‘Good.’
‘I like that colour on you.’
I’m wearing a dark green T-shirt – his – and a pair of black boxers – also his. He says he likes me wearing his clothes, he says he looks at me and thinks, ‘Mine.’
I poke at a lump of meat and say, ‘I’ve been thinking …’
‘Oh, yeah?’
Time to find out how much I can ask for. I wait until he sets his fork down before I begin. ‘Yeah. I was wondering if we could drive past my house? I wouldn’t get out or anything – I just want to see if Seefer is okay.’
‘The stray?’
I nod. ‘I miss her so much. I thought I’d be back in Crosshaven by now.’ I’m careful not to say ‘home’ as he’s told me repeatedly Wisteria is my home now. ‘She doesn’t have anyone else to take care of her.’
‘No.’
I let out a breath, trying to convey in one exhalation all the hopelessness a person can feel. I’m not stupid or delusional; I counted on him saying no. When Ada was renovating her house, she dragged me to multiple furniture auctions and private sales where she taught me during negotiation you always ask for the impossible, then settle instead for what you actually wanted in the first place. That way, you make the other party feel like they’ve won and they’re more likely to give you what you want. I widen my eyes, as if suddenly struck by a new idea. ‘Maybe you can bring her here then? Please, Jack, for me?’
‘That thing is always hissing at me. Never liked me.’
She’s a better judge of character than most then, I think, but say, ‘It would make me happier. Less lonely when you’re away.’ I’m hoping someone will see him taking Seefer and think it’s odd. In all the media coverage of my house, police were stationed outside. Maybe they still are. And even if no one notices, having Seefer here with me will give me reason to get out of bed in the morning because on the days Jack is at Wisteria I am coiled and tense, but on the days he isn’t, I lie in bed for hours, staring up at the ceiling, trapped in flashbacks of the attack or caught up in fantasies of escape.
‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Thanks, Jack.’ Finally, I raise my eyes to his and smile, letting my gaze linger because sugar is always more appealing than salt. And there it is, I am submerged in the memories, trapped beneath him, begging him to stop as his fingers pull my knickers to the side. I quickly drop my gaze and stab at a piece of chicken. ‘It’s October,’ I blurt in a bid to draw attention away from my discomfort. ‘Your mum wants the cottage sold before Christmas; what will happen then?’
‘It’s already sold.’
‘Oh. Right. Okay … I thought you said …’ I am momentarily stunned, trying to process the information. ‘So … where will we go?’
‘Maybe I’ll bunk down here with you Flowers in the Attic-style.’
My stomach turns over. ‘Anyway, where will you take me?’ His house in Crosshaven must be the only other option. Which will be better. Much better. I’ll be closer to my family, it’s suburban, there are neighbours to hear me scream and—
‘We’re staying here.’
I blink. ‘But …’
‘I bought it. Wisteria is mine.’
Bile and dread inch up my throat as I stare down at the spiced lumps of chicken flesh on my soggy paper plate.
‘I was waiting to tell you, hoping when you got your book deal, I could surprise you with a trip away to celebrate. But the book fell through and then you were trapped in a lie and only my mother knows about the house sale, so Wisteria became the perfect place to hide you,’ he says. Then, ‘What’s wrong?’
There was an end in sight. But now … it is endless. I could be trapped in this basement for the rest of my life. And what happens if Jack dies suddenly, a stroke, an accident? No one could’ve predicted Noah would die in a hit and run. It could happen. And then what? I will starve to death in here, only to be discovered when new homeowners move in and the stench of my decomposing corpse permeates their beautiful home.
‘I thought you liked Wisteria.’
‘I liked it before you fucking locked me inside it,’ I explode, jumping to my feet.
He is just as quick, scraping his chair back and dropping his plate onto the bed next to mine. ‘I did this for you. Do you know how fortunate you are to have someone love you so much they’d do anything, risk anything, to be with you? Most girls will live their whole lives not knowing love like that.’