His eyes were sad. “I know. I know that I royally, royally messed this up. I have issues, Ali. Abandonment issues, problems with confidence. I think I did what I did because I could see you getting ready to leave me, and if I sabotaged the relationship, I was still in control of how you left. It’s the same thing I did to Rebecca. I just…I have problems. And I have a lot of work I still need to do about that. But if I don’t, I’m never going to be happy and I’m never going to be able to make anyone else happy either.” He paused. “I’m giving you the house.”
My arms dropped.
“You can have it,” he said. “You can have whatever you want.”
I licked my lips. “You’ll move out?”
He nodded. “If that’s what you want, yes.”
I narrowed my eyes. “And what do you want? Because I can’t imagine this act of generosity comes without a price.”
He looked at the floor. “All I want is for you to be open to not hating me.” His eyes came back up to mine. “And maybe, in a few months, after I’ve figured out my life a little more, you might have room in your heart to come with me to a few couple’s counseling sessions—not because I did my end of the bargain. Because you want to. Just to see. Because I know you loved me once, and I know I can be better. And I am so scared of losing you.”
I realized then that I recognized the look on his face. I’d just never seen him wear it before. He was being genuine.
I let my hard expression soften a little. “I’ll think about it.”
He smiled gently. “Okay. Thank you.”
I paused a moment. “Thank you for being nice to Daniel that day.”
He looked away from me. “I knew you were seeing someone. I’m not an idiot.” His eyes came back to mine. “But grace costs you nothing. Isn’t that what you said? I figured that’s what you’d want to see from me.”
Something about it made my eyes tear up. It wasn’t that Neil had transcended. It was that in a roundabout way, Daniel had caused it.
Daniel was a ripple on the water. He touched everyone. Even the people he’d never met.
Neil gave me one last lingering look. Then he let himself out. When he opened the door, Bri was standing there, her hand raised to knock. “Neil,” she said, looking surprised. “You in the wrong room? There’s some orphans downstairs. If you hurry you can catch them, tell them Santa isn’t real.”
He ignored the comment, and her dirty look, and left.
Bri came in with two salt-rimmed glasses and a pitcher of something that smelled like pure tequila.
“Margaritas!” she sang. “It’s super strong. I measured the Patrón with my heart.” She kicked the door closed behind her. “So what did Satan want?”
“He wanted to apologize.”
She set the glasses on my nightstand. “Like, actually?”
“I think so.” I sat on the bed. “He’s giving me the house.”
“Really?”
“That’s what he said. Also, my dad put me next to him at dinner tomorrow,” I added.
“Of course he did.” She stuck a finger in her mouth like she was gagging.
She started pouring our drinks. “I wouldn’t put too much stock in that apology. Just so you know, nine out of ten times, people like that don’t actually change. They just learn to be better manipulators, so you think they did, and then they do allll the same shit.”
I nodded. “I know. They don’t always change.” I paused. “But I do believe he wants to.”
She thought about it for a moment and then bobbed her head. “Okay. I’ll give him that much.”
She handed me the pink concoction and plopped on the bed next to me with her own glass. “A toast,” Bri said. “To my soon-to-be-ex-husband. May he get that antibiotic-resistant strain of chlamydia.”
I laughed and we clinked our glasses. Then we took a sip and winced.
“Oh, my God.” I coughed.
“Whooo!” She shook her head, choking. “Wow. My check-liver light just went on.”
I laughed, making a face.
“I think we’ve already had enough.” She took my glass from me and put it on the dresser next to hers before sitting back down.
I lay back on the bed on top of the skirt of my dress, and she lay with me. We both stared at the ceiling, in a cloud of tulle.
“I miss him…” I whispered.
She paused for a long beat. “I know.”