Now it was almost seven o’clock and dark already, and I was twenty minutes away from Wakan.
I’d lost a patient today.
I lost patients all the time. It was the nature of the work I did. But this one bothered me more than usual.
I felt eerily numb afterward, like I’d officially hit my capacity to process crappy things. The dinner with my parents, Derek’s disownment, deciding to end it with Daniel—it was all too much. I hoped the emotional disconnect lasted. I just wanted to get through my last night with Daniel in one piece and ugly cry when I got home.
I listened to Lola’s fifth album on the way down. It was sad. The whole thing reminded me of Jewel’s song “Foolish Games.” Made me wonder what Lola had been going through when she wrote it.
Sometimes I tried to line up her albums with what I could find about her online. There was a rumor she had been dating one of her backup dancers around the time she recorded this. Maybe it had to do with him.
I think Lola had a hard life. I hoped it was easier with my brother in it. I bet it was. No—I knew it was. Because I knew how much my brother must love her, and when my brother loved someone, he did it with all of himself.
I hadn’t talked to Derek since he left. There was a twelve-hour time difference with Cambodia, and he was in a rural part of the country where phone access was hard. But I could feel my brother, and I knew he could feel me. I was sending him and his wife so much love.
If Derek said Lola was worthy, she was. Simple as that. His word was all I needed. I wished it was that way for our dad, that I could just show up with someone like Daniel and Dad would know immediately that he must be exceptional if I’ve brought him home.
But my father didn’t measure people that way.
It was funny that someone as horrible as Neil could have Dad’s respect, and someone as good as Daniel never would. All because Daniel didn’t have the right education or job or family.
My brother was a cautionary tale. Not about disobeying my father. But about falling in love with someone he didn’t approve of, that made disobeying him necessary.
When I got to the Grant House, Daniel was waiting for me outside like he always did. He didn’t have Chloe. She’d gone back to the farm yesterday since she was off the bottle.
Change was inevitable. Only today it made me deeply, deeply sad.
I sat in my car for a moment longer than usual just to take it in—because it was the last time Daniel and Hunter would be waiting for me.
When I got out, Hunter plowed into me, then Daniel came at me with the same energy, wrapping me in one of his big bear hugs. They were both always so excited to see me.
Neil had never greeted me like this. Maybe it was a maturity thing. I remembered what Bri said about men being puppies at this age, and it felt true. Daniel had this pure happiness about him every time I showed up.
I closed my eyes and breathed in and just melted into his kiss.
He pulled away enough to look at me. “You ready for dinner?” he asked. “I thought we could walk over. It’s a nice night.”
I peered up at his smiling face and sniffled. “Yeah. Let’s walk.”
He tilted his head. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
He peered at me, his warm hazel eyes looking into my soul. “It doesn’t feel like nothing.”
“I lost a patient today.”
His handsome brows drew down. “What happened?”
I paused a moment. “It was a seventeen-year-old. His kayak flipped. No life jacket.”
Daniel studied me wordlessly.
“You know what’s so dangerous about drowning?” I said, looking up at him. “It’s silent. So unless someone’s paying close attention to you, no one saves you.”
He brushed my hair off my forehead. “I see you. I would save you if you were drowning.”
It was sweet, but he wouldn’t. Because I wasn’t drowning here with him. I was drowning two hours away from here, alone.
“Let’s go eat,” I said, changing the subject.
He nodded. “Okay. Let me just put Hunter inside, and we’ll get going.”
A few minutes later we turned onto the bike trail that went to Main Street, and Daniel threaded his fingers in mine.
“So how was your day?” I asked, wanting to talk about anything that wasn’t me.
“Well, let’s see,” he said, talking to the trail ahead of us. “Hunter ate a ChapStick. Kevin Bacon got out again. This time, he let himself into the pharmacy and ate all the candy bars by the register. Scared the crap out of Mrs. Pearson.”