I let out a long breath. “Like in every sense of the word. Derek’s dead to him.”
She sat back into the sofa. “Wow,” she breathed. “That’s so medieval.”
“And I think I have to go to couple’s counseling with Neil.”
“Eww, why?!” She looked horrified.
“Because if I don’t, Dad’ll never let it go.”
She scoffed. “He’ll never let it go anyway. Nothing short of getting back with Neil is going to be good enough. Your dad will just keep moving the goalpost. It’ll be all ‘well, you didn’t go long enough’ or ‘you didn’t take it seriously enough.’ Your dad’s a monster. Why don’t you just tell him no?”
“I can’t. It’ll just make it worse for Mom.”
It would make it worse for me.
“And? Did it ever occur to you that your dad is just as emotionally abusive as Neil? That maybe you learned to put up with Neil because from the earliest age you were taught that to be loved you had to placate an asshole?”
“He’s my dad, Bri.”
I shook my head, staring wearily into the room. “Imagine never seeing your parents again because you fell in love with someone,” I said quietly.
“Do you think Derek knew this would happen?” she asked.
I nodded. “I do. I think he married Lola knowing exactly what he might be giving up.” I let out a breath. “I think you’re right. I need to stop seeing Daniel.”
She studied me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No. Not really.”
We sat in silence for a minute.
“I don’t really know what to say to you right now to make you feel better,” she said. “All my ideas are scary.”
I snorted.
“I’m serious. I’m a wartime consigliere. All I have for you are detailed revenge plots and alibis. But I’m telling you right now, if we kill Neil, you’re the one digging the hole. I’ll lie for you in court, I’ll help you move the body, but I did not put myself through med school to dig.”
I laughed dryly.
“By the way,” I said, “Daniel finally sent me a dick pic. A really good one.”
“Ooooooh, can I see it?”
“No, definitely not.”
She jabbed a finger at me. “See?! You do like him! That was a test and you failed!”
“How did I—because I won’t show you a penis sent to me in trust?”
“Dick pics are community property unless you’re staking a claim on the guy who owns it. You’ve got a little flag that you just planted on Daniel’s peen, it’s waving in the breeze and it says Ali on it.”
I was laughing now.
“You can see alllll my dick pics. Those boys throw ’em around like ‘And you get a penis, and you get a penis, and YOU get a penis!’”
I choked and we both laughed for a minute.
Then I sighed. “Why is everything so hard?”
“Because you have too many fucks to give.”
“Ha-ha.”
“No, I’m serious. Give up some of your fucks and see how much easier things are. You’re just spending all your time trying to please everyone else, and it’s making you miserable.”
I shook my head. “How am I supposed to not care if my parents ever speak to me again? Or if my dad thinks I’m a complete waste of his DNA? I’m already the weakest link in Montgomery history. I have to give a fuck. I have no choice.”
She shook her head. “Imagine being a whole-ass doctor and having your family be like, ‘why are you so disappointing?’”
I blew out a tight breath. “I mean, it’s not like Daniel was going to work out anyway. Everything you said earlier was true. I can’t move, he can’t move. My dad is just the icing on the cake. Ending it was inevitable. I just don’t understand why ending something that hopeless feels so shitty.”
“Because it’s not on your terms. None of this is.”
I wiped under my eyes.
She scoffed. “You’re gonna hate sitting in couple’s counseling with Neil.”
I groaned. “A thousand dollars says he has the therapist completely fooled.”
“You should make him go to yours. That way she can call bullshit.”
I picked my head up and looked at her. “You know what? That’s actually genius.” I smiled. “I just got an idea.”
She grinned. “What?”
I pulled out my phone and dialed Neil.