He lets out an irritated sigh. “What’s going on, Cora? One second, I feel like you’re coming back to me, like you’re finally willing to forgive me, and then the next, you’re angry, resigned, barely even looking at me. I know you love me. Why are you putting us through this?”
“Me?” I ask, pointing to my chest. “I’m not putting us through anything. You’re the one who fucked this up. You’re the one who lied. This isn’t on me, Pike, this is on you.”
“I understand that,” he says, aggravated. “But I’m trying the best I can to show you how much I love you, how much I want you back. Don’t you want to give this a chance? Give us a chance?”
My eyes search his and even though my brain is saying yes, my heart is screaming no.
I stand and shake my head. “No. I don’t want to give this another chance.” I gather my computer and hold it to my chest.
“Then what has all of this been about? Have you just been teasing me? Giving me hope, only to take it away?”
“There have been momentary lapses in judgment, and I’ll take the blame on those, but just because we shared a few moments, it doesn’t mean we’re getting back together, Pike.”
“Are you saying there’s no chance?”
A piercing pain hits me square in the chest from the thought of closing this door, of saying no to him and walking away. But throughout my life, I’ve known the best thing for me is to walk away when something or someone hurts me. I gave up trying with my mom, I didn’t bother gaining the affection of my grandparents, I divorced Keenan without a second thought . . . how is Pike any different?
“There’s no chance.”
“Bullshit.” He rises from the couch, sticks his crutch under his arm, and charges toward me. “That’s bloody bullshit, Cora, and you know it. You’re just too scared to let down your guard.”
“Because every time I let down my guard, I get hurt, Pike,” I shout at him. “You should know that, because I told you everything about my life. Everything. And you still thought it was okay to lie to me.”
“I was going to tell you.”
“When?” I look around the space. “Because as far as I know, we were moving in together without a conversation in sight.”
“I needed everything to be finalized with the foundation first.” He lets out a deep breath. “The foundation I started with Killian years ago, it was the one thing that made me feel like I was doing something good to counteract the ugly my dad was sending into the world. It gave me purpose, helping those kids read, seeing the looks on their faces when they got a new book. It was everything to me and yes, I should have told you about the foundation. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe I was too nervous that I would let out the truth, the truth I knew wouldn’t sit well with you. And I needed you, Cora. I needed you so fucking bad to help save those kids.” He grips his crutch tightly, his knuckles going white. “I love you, Cora, but I love those kids too, and if I fucked up their chances at a future, I never could’ve lived with myself.”
My gut clenches. Hearing him talk about the foundation . . . he should have told me earlier. He should have shared with me, but he didn’t.
“Instead, you screwed me over.”
“I didn’t screw you over,” he says. “I was waiting for the right time.”
“The right time would’ve been day one, Pike.”
“Fuck, you’re so—you’re so frustrating,” he shouts. “It was a mistake, Cora, and yet you’re punishing me, punishing us. Hell, your brother said worse things to you in front of your friends, and you forgave him, but you can’t forgive me?”
“He’s my brother. He’s all I have left.”
“You have me, Cora,” he says, patting his chest. “You’ve always had me. Day one, you had me, but you never truly let me in.”
“You should understand why, since it all started with a drunken night. None of it was real, Pike.”
“It was real to me,” he yells, his face growing angry. “Fuck, it was real to me. How do you not get that? How do you not feel how real it was? How do you not see it?”
There’s a knock at the door, and both of us look toward the entryway.
He blows out a heavy breath and starts to crutch past me, but then stops. Staring at the ground, he says, “I truly, passionately, and unequivocally love you, Cora. That will never change. But I’m not going to keep trying to prove that to you if you’re not going to let me in.” He glances up and says, “I’ll call up a nursing service tomorrow so you won’t be bothered anymore. I can’t have you here if there’s no chance. It’s too fucking painful.”