“Do you have your counterattack ready?” Stella asks.
I shake my head. “I’m pretty much flying by the seat of my pants now. The only thing I have going for me right now is growing out my leg hair so I can scare him away with wooly mammoth legs.”
Stella chuckles. “If he thinks you’re hairy there, he might think you’re hairy everywhere.”
I tap the side of my head. “That’s what I’m thinking.”
“What happened to the plan we came up with?” Greer asks.
“The plan was thrown out the window the minute he started walking around the apartment in only boxer briefs.”
“Ooo.” Stella winces. “Let me guess—body of a god.”
My teeth roll over my bottom lip. “Oh yeah, and from what I can see—not that I’m getting a close examination—he has quite the package.”
“Really?” Stella asks, looking far too excited. “And let me guess, you’re horny?”
“Uh, did you not get that from the Las Vegas trip? It’s been a really freaking long time for me and I have this man that, before all of this happened, I thought was beyond any male comparison. And now that he’s here, that’s making it exponentially harder to keep it together.”
Looking off to the side in thought, Greer says, “You know, I still think that maybe you should give this a shot. You two could be good together.”
“I’m going to say this for the last time.” I stare down both of my friends. “That won’t be happening. The only connection Pike and I will ever have is this Vegas mistake and, possibly, if a girl can dream, one single wild night in bed.”
“What do you think he’s bringing home for dinner?” Stella asks.
My eyes flash to hers. “Did you hear anything I said?”
“Yeah, you’re not getting together, blah, blah, blah. Tale as old as time. You know I love you and I’m in total support of whatever you decide, but I think you’re just prolonging the inevitable.”
“And what’s that?” I ask, hands on my hips.
“You guys are going to hook up. Trust me when I say, I know. I know very well from experience how this all works. Greer, you know it as well. When you get in front of a man like Pike, like Romeo . . . like Arlo, and they’re relentless with what they want, there’s no way in avoiding it. My guess, three months from now, you two will still be married.”
“Stella, that isn’t funny,” I say, shivering from the thought.
“I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just trying to lay out the facts. I don’t think you have enough defense to ignore him. I think you’re barely treading water right now, and unless you come up with something that will absolutely break him, he’s staying, and I’m sorry to say, I don’t think your food plan is going to cut it.”
Greer winces. “I think she might be right.”
“So, what do I do?”
Stella grows incredibly serious and says, “You need to open up to him.”
“Fuck, no,” I nearly shout and then realize I need to keep my voice down. “Are you insane? I’m not about to open up to him—”
“Let me finish,” Stella says. “I think you talk to him, like he wants, but you don’t necessarily tell him the truth.” I catch the evil glint in her eye.
“Ohhh,” I say, a smile passing over my face. “Oh my God, that’s genius. Let him see who I am.” I wink.
“Exactly. He wants to get to know you, so let him. Let him get to know a completely fabricated life.”
Greer chuckles. “You can have some fun with that.”
I smile even wider and rub my hands together. “Oh, I plan on it.”
The bathroom door swings open and we quickly round the kitchen to see Keiko standing in the doorway, holding a pregnancy test in her hand. Shoulders back, chin held high, she says, “It appears I have ovulated at the direct time Kelvin’s healthy, vivacious sperm seeped into my uterus, joining together in union to create a new life deep within my fruitful loins.”
“Are you saying you’re pregnant?” Stella asks.
A lone tear slides down Keiko’s face as she nods. “In fact, I am with child.”
Unsure of how she feels about it, we cautiously stay put as Greer asks, “Are you okay, Keeks?”
She nods but maintains an impassive fa?ade. “I would like to request a change in our monthly book club pick.”
That’s what she’s thinking about right now? A book-club book?