Gaiman is right. I know he is. Instead of hitting Belov again, I put all my resources into finding Willow.
I shake my head. “This is my fucking son, Gaiman. Everything else can wait while I get him back.”
Gaiman looks down for a moment. I can tell he’s biting back his words. But I’m too lost in my sorrow and anger to give a shit.
“I don’t even know his name,” I whisper, mostly to myself.
Gaiman looks up at me. “His name is Solovev. That’s the only name that matters.”
I nod curtly. He’s right.
“Do you think she’ll help you get him back?” Gaiman asks.
“I’m not really giving her a choice.”
“The woman in that bedroom is not the same one that Belov stole, Leo,” he says. “She’s more Anya than anything now.”
“She’s pretending. That hard mask she’s wearing? It’s a fa?ade. And it’s slipping more and more every day. But if she needs motivation, I can give her that.”
“With what?”
“I have her parents.”
Gaiman raises his eyebrows. “Benjamin and Natalie are sitting pretty in a cozy little house you bought for them.”
“She doesn’t know that.”
He smirks. “How long do you think it’ll be before she figures you out?”
“There’s no figuring me out, Gaiman,” I say. “You should know that better than anyone.”
He smiles, and I feel some of the tension in my chest release. I sit down on a broken hunk of the stump I just split. Gaiman leans on a tree a few paces away.
“I’ve been having a lot of dreams lately,” Gaiman says unexpectedly.
“Yeah?”
“About… when it happened.”
I know exactly what he’s talking about. I know it from his broken tone and the look in his eyes. Hollow, desperate, filled with unresolved anger.
“It’s been eight fucking years, Leo,” he says. “Can you believe that?”
“I stopped counting a long time ago.”
“I used to watch Pavel with Petyr and Logan. I wanted to be like them.”
I smirk. “You got more than you bargained for, huh?”
He shakes his head and looks off into the distance. “I never imagined the three of us would end up in their shoes. It was so simple back then. They had the responsibility; we had the fun.”
I remember all too well. But I don’t comb through the memories much. Mourning is a waste of time. Purpose—action—revenge—that’s all that matters.
“It was right that they died together,” Gaiman says. “Petyr and Logan… there was no one closer to Pavel than the two of them.”
I thought about their wasted lives and the people they’d left behind. Sometimes, opportunities can be born of grief. I have weapons now because of what Petyr, Logan and Pavel left in their wake.
“What happened to their families?” Gaiman asks. “I never followed through like I probably should have.”
“It wasn’t your job to follow through. It was mine.”
“And did you?”
“Logan had no one. He was an orphan who found his home in the Bratva. Pavel and Petyr were the brothers he never had. Petyr was an only child raised by a single mother. Luda Yolkin was her name.”
He nods and strokes his chin. “Where is she now?”
“Trying to survive. Like the rest of us.”
I’m sick of talking. It’s not doing anything to clear the demons in my head. If anything, it’s only stirring them up more.
I turn and head back towards the house, but stop before I step into the trees. “I’m getting my son back, Gaiman. Belov will have to wait.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” Gaiman sighs. “What if he doesn’t? What if he attacks us before we’re ready?”
“Don’t you know me at all?” I ask. “I’m always ready.”
In the cabin, I go up to her room. The door is cracked. When I peek through, I see her in a fighting stance, shadow-boxing with thin air. She’s so absorbed in it that she doesn’t notice me slip through the entrance and lean against the wall to observe.
She’s wearing tight black leggings and a black tank top. Her hair is twisted back in a high ponytail that’s just begging to be grabbed.
Her movements are lithe and efficient, obviously well-coached. The foundations are there, but there’s much more she needs to learn.
“You jump when you throw a punch,” I say. “Keep your feet planted.”