“Then why did you run from Belov?” I ask. "Seems like threatening your life is the way to get results with you."
"I wasn’t about to let Belov win.”
“So that’s what this is about? Winning?”
She raises a brow. "Isn't that what it's always about?"
“No,” I say coldly. “For me, this is about getting my son back.”
“At the cost of your Bratva? Your life?” Anya asks. “Somehow, I don’t think so. You can always make another baby, Leo.”
I get to my feet and approach her. She doesn’t appear to be worried, but I know the truth.
She’s fucking terrified.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “You won’t need to use that gun you’re hiding.”
Her eyes spark with annoyance. She actually believed that I hadn’t noticed. Stupid woman.
“You don’t know me, Anya. So let me explain something to you," I say. “My Bratva means everything to me. But so does my family. Luckily for me, they’re one and the same. My Bratva is my family. My family is my Bratva. I won’t have to sacrifice my son for my empire, or the other way around.”
I lean in, forcing her to scrunch back against the hard, white sofa cushions.
“But even if I have to choose between the two, know this: I would burn my Bratva to the ground before I let anyone hurt my family.”
She matches my gaze, trying to determine just how serious I am. When she doesn’t find the chink in my armor that she’s looking for, she sighs. “Does that include Willow?”
“What do you think?” I ask calmly.
She gets to her feet. Even at full height and wearing high heels, she only comes up to my mid-chest. She hides her intimidation well, but I can see uneasiness in her eyes.
“I always thought I’d be in charge of the Mikhailov Bratva one day." She hides her anger behind another resigned sigh. “But it’s a man’s world.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s my fucking world. So the smartest thing you can do right now is pick the right side.”
One corner of her mouth turns up. It’s not quite a smile, but I figure it’s the closest thing I’m going to get to one. Jax would be proud.
“I have to say,” she remarks, “I can see why she made the mistake of falling in love.”
“Indeed,” I murmur.
But in my head, I’m thinking, She’s not the only one who fell.
25
WILLOW
It’s cold, but nothing compares to how I feel on the inside. I know I’m not far from the cabin, but I walk until I can’t hear the engines rumbling in the distance. Until the trees and snow smother all outside sound.
I walk until I feel like I’m alone.
Only when I feel like the last person on earth do I stop. I drop down next to a large boulder, the dappled surface blanketed in fresh snow. I put my head in my hands and I don’t look up for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes.
Or maybe it’s longer. I lose track of time as I sit there, contemplating every decision I’ve made. Every wrong instinct I’ve followed.
I’m sorry, Pasha. I’m so sorry…
“Torturing yourself won’t bring him back, you know.”
“Jesus!” I jerk my head up and see Leo standing between the trees. He keeps his distance, and honestly, I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me, either.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go.”
“Go where?”
“Back to the cabin.”
Disappointment curdles in my stomach. Irrationally, I had hoped for something different. Some words of comfort, though I don’t deserve them. Maybe even an accusation would be nice. If Leo yelled at me, maybe I’d stop feeling so guilty.
“I’m not done being alone,” I say stiffly.
“I think you probably should be done with it.”
“Did you talk to her?”
He nods. “I did.”
“And?”
“And we’re leaving now.”
I run a hand over my face. I’ve never felt so bone-tired before. Leo squats down in front of me, forcing me to look up and meet his eyes.
Suddenly, everything comes into sharp focus. It’s all clear and it’s making my head hurt.
“Please,” I say, shaking my head. “I just need some quiet. I just need to sit for a minute.”
“Sitting here is not going to bring Pasha back, Willow.”
I look down and grit my teeth to stop the tears from coming. “I know. I know I fucked up badly. You don’t need to tell me that.”