“What else did Ariel say?” I prod gently after a moment has passed.
“She was with Pasha when she called me,” he admits. “And I… I heard him…”
The hair on my neck stands on end and guilt tugs at me. I can’t imagine being denied all the memories I have with Pasha. Holding him, kissing his cheeks, smelling him. The tiny little moments that confirmed that he was real, that he was mine, that he was beautiful.
Leo has had none of that.
“I wish you could have been there,” I whispered. “When I gave birth to him.”
“Were you alone?”
“Apart from the doctors, yes. But I preferred it that way. Anya wasn’t exactly interested.”
“I can’t imagine she would be.”
I run a hand through my hair as I think about my mother. “In her own way, she tried to be there for me. She tried to mold me into this other person. A Bratva princess, the person she thought I had to be to survive everything that was coming for us. She wanted me to be prepared for anything. But she had no idea how to connect with me. How to be a person. A parent.”
“She wasn’t made to be a mother, Willow,” he tells me. “She was meant to lead a Bratva.”
“Yeah, I got that,” I grumble. “Not exactly comforting.”
“Do you want to speak to your parents?” Leo asks suddenly.
I glance at him with one arched eyebrow. “I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.”
“But?”
“But… I want all this to be over before I see them again,” I say. “They’ve worried about me enough. I don’t want to reconnect with them now, only to tell them that their grandson is the hostage of a madman. There are just too many questions I can’t answer. More importantly, there are too many questions I don’t want to answer.”
He nods, and if I didn’t know better, I’d almost say he was impressed by my restraint. “I understand. You should know I’ve told them that I got you back.”
“You did?”
“They deserved to know, Willow. They’ve been beside themselves with worry the last year. I wanted to give them some peace of mind.”
I do a double take at him. He looks the same as he always has—gorgeous, but brutal and unapproachable, like a famous statue in a museum that you aren’t allowed to get near.
But there’s life beneath that surface. I used to only see that cold, heartless exterior. Underneath it, though, I’m starting to see just how much more there is.
A heart, maybe. A heart that can hope and love.
If he lets it.
“What have you told them?” I ask.
“That I found you, but it’s complicated. I told them that once it’s all over, I’ll give them a proper explanation.”
“And they were okay with that?” I ask.
“They trust me,” he says, as if those three little words don’t gloss over the messiest backstory in history.
“Wow.”
“Does that surprise you?”
“I mean… a little.”
He shakes his head and laughs softly. “I don’t know why you insist on underestimating me. Surely you’re starting to get sick of being wrong.”
I giggle, and when it fades, we sit in the easy silence. I almost don’t want to break it because of calm and comforting the energy between us is right now.
But I can’t ignore the nagging in the back of my head.
“Leo, we need to come up with a plan to get Pasha back.”
“You don’t think that’s what I’ve been doing all this time?” he asks.
“I think we need to discuss my plan,” I suggest delicately. “Accepting Belov’s terms and—”
“We’re not doing that,” he interrupts. “You are my wife, and I’m not sending you directly into the lion’s den. If something happens to you…”
“What other option do we have?”
“We have Ariel.”
“That’s news to me. I thought she was undercover.”
“She is. But that can’t last forever. Now is the time to pull her out—with Pasha.”
“But… but… if she tries, won’t Belov suspect her?” I ask. “She’s the only one who has that kind of direct access to him. Aren’t you abandoning the mission to kill Belov if you pull her out now?”
He leans back, one elbow on the porch behind us, eyes raking the frozen horizon. “In my eyes, she’s completed her mission. She’ll still be fighting. Just not from the inside anymore.”