“What can I do?”
Water is streaming over his slicker, and his hands are red, knuckles white from where he’s gripping the wheel. “We’ve got to try to keep her steady!” he shouts back. “If she turns sideways…”
He doesn’t have to finish the sentence.
If the Susannah turns to starboard or port, one of these waves can roll her, and then it’s over.
I put my hands alongside his on the wheel, feeling the incredible pull of ship and sea, and through the sheets of water pouring over us, I see the cabin door open.
At first, I think it’s just the force of the ship that’s pulled it, but then I see Brittany’s dark hair, a bright orange life jacket, and she’s moving slowly out onto the deck, ducking her head against the wind and water.
“Fuck!” I hear Nico shout, and he jerks his head at me. “Get her back inside. She’s not clipped in.”
I let go of the wheel as Nico grunts and grips even harder, and slowly inch my way toward her.
“Get back down below!” I yell, but she either can’t understand me or doesn’t care, because she’s on the deck now, looking around in amazement or shock, I can’t really tell.
“Brittany!” I yell again, and finally she turns and looks at me.
“I’m sorry! I just couldn’t stay down there!” she shouts back, shaking her head. “Not knowing—”
“Okay, well now you know!” I shout back. “It’s scary as fuck!”
She laughs, even though she looks pale and green, and I move closer, urging her back toward the cabin door.
It happens so fast.
One minute, I’m on my feet, my hands out in front of me, the next, the ship is lurching, my feet are slipping, and I’m falling.
The deck tilts, and I see white-capped, frothy water rising up at my side, and I’m sliding toward it.
NO!
It’s the only thought in my frantic mind as I scramble for purchase, a constant litany of no no no NO NO NO.
My feet flail on the wet deck, desperate for something, anything to grab on to, and I clutch at the lifeline around me even as the nylon pulls through my fingers, tearing skin.
I hear a distant pop, and for a second, I think I’ve broken a small bone in my hand. It’s only when the tension around my waist gives way that I realize my line has snapped.
There’s nothing tethering me to the ship.
My hands sting, wet with seawater and blood, but I plant both palms down on the deck, trying to stop this slide into nothingness. Red streaks follow me down, and I watch almost from a distance as the water turns them pink, washes them away.
I dig my hands in harder even though there’s nothing to grip, and then my foot hits the side of the boat, hard, and then my ankle is over the side, my shin, my foot dangling over nothingness, I’m sliding …
There’s another sharp lurch, and I slip forward again.
The Susannah rights itself just as I’m about to be tipped over into the sea, and I roll back, away from the edge, panting hard.
“Lux!” I hear Brittany shouting, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her trying to move closer.
My hands are screaming, and I think I might have broken one of my toes, but I lurch to my feet anyway, shoving her back. She stumbles into the cabin, and I shut the door, leaning against it and letting my legs give out as I slump to the deck.
In seconds, I’d gone from scared but alive, to nearly dead.
I search through the wind and rain for Nico, but he’s hidden from my view now that I’m sitting, and I wonder if he saw me nearly go over.
It’s not like he could’ve done anything. But still, it had only been Brittany’s cry I heard, not his.
* * *
THE WIND BEGINS TO DIE down first, the rain slowing until it’s little more than a drizzle, and then it’s just … gone.
The whole storm seems to have vanished as quickly as it appeared, the sky overhead suddenly turns blue again instead of gray, and the sun beams brightly down on us. It’s over.
I’m still sitting there on the deck, sweating inside my slicker, trying to wrap my mind around how quickly things changed. At the wheel, Nico laughs, already unbuttoning his jacket. “Jesus Christ.” He scrubs a hand over his hair, sending droplets of water flying. “That was fucked up.”
It was, but Nico says it so cheerfully that I don’t think he really understands how scary it was for me, how dangerous, and I feel anger well up inside me, pressing against my breastbone, making my hands shake as I cross the small distance between us.