“We could’ve died,” I say. “I almost did die. Did you even see how useless this fucking thing was? I almost went over the side!”
I hold up the frayed end of my safety rope, and he frowns, taking it between his fingers. “Shit, babe,” he says, and I feel tears suddenly well up, my throat tight.
“But you’re okay, right?” he asks, looking at me with those brown eyes, and … the truth is, I am. Scared, sure, and my hands still really hurt, but he’s right. It could’ve gone really badly, but it didn’t.
Behind me, I hear Brittany and Amma making their way up on deck. I don’t want to fight in front of them, don’t want them to see me as the Shrieking and Very Uncool Girlfriend, and so I let it drop, because what else can I do? The storm has passed.
I shake my head and lean into Nico, wrapping an arm around his neck. “I’m okay,” I say firmly, and his smile returns.
Brittany throws her arms around me, squeezing me tight. “Holy shit, you were so badass!” she says, and when she pulls back, I see genuine admiration in her face.
Turning over her shoulder, she calls to Amma, “Did you see this bitch? Nearly went over the side, was all, ‘Not today, motherfucker!’ She pushed herself back on board and—”
“The boat righted itself,” I say, shaking my head. Now that the terror is fading some, it almost feels kind of silly. Only one leg really went over, and those toes I’d been sure were broken are now just sort of dully throbbing. I can wiggle them in my shoes.
Brittany turns back to me. “No, you full-on pushed yourself back on board. I’m telling you, it was awesome.” She takes my shoulders in both hands, grinning in my face. “You’re a survivor, Lux.”
“No one wants to die like that, trust me,” I say. “You would’ve done the same thing.”
Brittany shakes her head. “I don’t think so. Honestly. Some people would’ve been too scared to do anything but let go. It’s easier, you know?”
I nod because I do know, and I’m suddenly really tired, all the adrenaline draining out of me.
“Baptism by fire,” Nico adds with a grin, throwing an arm around me, and I try not to think of that moment when I was sliding and my hand was reaching for nothing, my blood streaking across the Susannah’s pristine white decks.
Of how I had put my life in Nico’s hands, and he nearly let me go.
BEFORE
There’s a girl on Nico’s boat.
In the month since Lux walked out of the Cove holding Nico’s hand, she’s seen people on board the Susannah. Nico has a never-ending rotation of friends stopping by, but they’ve always been guys, men who look a lot like Nico. Tanned, beautiful, teeth so straight and white that they can only be the result of thousands of dollars of orthodontia. They all smell like Nico, too, that mix of salt and motor oil that Lux has gotten so used to.
There’s never been a girl before.
But there’s one now. As Lux makes her way down the dock, arms full of grocery bags, she sees her, a girl with long dark hair standing on the deck of the Susannah. It’s late afternoon, early evening, really, and she is limned in golden light. She’s wearing a floral sundress that flutters against her legs, and there’s an expensive-looking leather tote hanging from one shoulder. Her arms are folded tight across her slender torso, and as Lux watches, one hand darts up, swiping at her cheek beneath huge sunglasses.
She’s crying.
Nico is standing across from her, one hand braced on the mast, his face set in an expression Lux hasn’t seen yet.
He looks … bored? But there’s also something about the stiff way he’s holding himself, the rigidity of his posture, that sets little alarm bells ringing in her head.
Lux is hit with a memory, of sitting in the front seat of her mom’s Honda Civic, the day they left for California. She was twelve, slumped in the passenger seat, watching through the window as her parents stood in the front yard of their house.
Except it’s his house now, she remembers thinking. Her mom had been saying something, shaking her head, but her dad had just stood there, his posture casual, hands shoved in pockets. Everything about him had felt like a locked door, and Lux knew her mom no longer had the key.
That’s how Nico looks right now. Whatever this girl is saying to him, he’s nodding and listening, but she’s not getting in.
Lux has nearly made it to their slip, her sneakers quiet on the faded wood of the dock, and Nico sees her, lifting his chin slightly in her direction even as the corners of his mouth briefly turn down.