“Start with the throttle. Take it easy and test it out. It’s just like the sim lab.”
I lightly pull on the throttle. The engine purrs behind my back, rumbling as the car pushes forward faster than anticipated. Before I lose control, I smash the brake pedal with my left foot. My body jolts and my helmet smacks into the headrest. Tires squeal in submission and metal shudders around me as the car halts its movement.
“I said take it easy. That is not easy!” James laughs into the mic.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“Sorry, you reminded me of Marko trying out his first kart in the pit lane.”
“Seriously, you’re comparing my driving to my four-year-old nephew? Way to build my confidence.”
James chuckles. “Okay, let’s try that again. You just need to get a feel for the throttle paddle and trust your gut. The brakes are the same as the old left foot pedal.”
“Okay, I got this,” I whisper to myself.
I try the same motion, this time giving my car the ability to make it down the straight before hitting the brakes again. It’s a slow start, but the wind rushing over the front wing has me smiling beneath my helmet.
“Much better! See, that’s what I mean by easy. You’re a natural out there,” James offers.
I stare at the first corner, wondering how I can manipulate the wheel, the throttle, and the brake at once. Worried thoughts eat away at my budding confidence.
“Now this is where things get tricky. You’re going to have to turn the wheel at the same time as you release the throttle, while monitoring the brake pedal beneath your foot. It’s all mental.”
I go through the motions in my head, attempting to commit the move to muscle memory. It’s not easy. Sweat drenches my back as I struggle to control the brake pedal and the throttle paddle simultaneously.
I tug on the throttle paddle, forcing the car to speed through the turn rather than slow down. My sneaker slams against the brake and my car spins. Tires shriek as the car halts.
Shit. Something in the car sputters as the steering wheel’s lights flash before going out.
“Battery is dead. Good try with the turn. You’ll get a handle on it eventually.” James speaks with such sincerity.
All I can do is scowl at the wheel. The Bandini crew comes to secure my car and push me back toward the garage. I stew in my toxicity, allowing it to cloak the post-driving glow.
Chloe runs out into the pit lane with a huge grin plastered across her face. The sun shines down on her, highlighting the flush in her cheeks.
I don’t understand the smile on her face. I failed. Plain and simple. She wouldn’t be smiling if she saw what I used to be able to accomplish on the track.
“Oh my God. You did it!” She runs up to the cockpit and leans over the edge.
I pass the steering wheel to the mechanic and tug my helmet off my head. “Did what? Stall on the first turn?”
“No!” She laughs melodically as she grabs onto both my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. “You got in the car and drove. You. Did. It.”
I soak in her positivity like the earth soaks up rain after a drought.
Noah strolls onto the track, assessing the car before offering me his hand. “Nice work out there.”
“You’re both acting like I won a race rather than tested a car.”
Noah shakes his head. “I kind of miss the old cocky you. He was a hell of a lot more fun than this self-deprecating version.”
Chloe turns away, hiding her laugh.
I lift a brow. “You find this funny?”
“Who, me?” She presses a palm against her chest and flutters her lashes.
“Yes. Why are you laughing?”
She shrugs. “Because Noah’s right. You kind of kill the vibes.”
I frown. “You want me to be all self-love, now?”
“Honestly, yes. I think we owe it to ourselves to unapologetically love who we are no matter what. Because if you don’t love yourself, then why do you expect anyone else to?”
I contemplate what she says. Noah pulls Chloe’s attention away, talking to her about racing statistics and the secret behind the wheel he created.
If I don’t love myself, then who will? And what kind of love am I asking for if I’m hell-bent on showing the worst version of myself, time and time again.
Is that who I want to be? The guy who gives up after one time because things got hard?
No. The opposite of a winner isn’t a loser. It’s the person who allows the loss to ruin any chance of trying again. The defeatist attitude needs to stop. Right here. Right now.