‘I think we should split up,’ he said.
His words hit Pip like a spray of bullets, but she couldn’t tell which part of her was bleeding.
‘I know you’re struggling with everything and the timing is crap but it’s just not working out for me. It wasn’t working before you . . .’
Before I killed a child and had a nervous breakdown, she thought, but could not say out loud.
‘But—’ she began, but he cut across her.
‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, Rose,’ he said. He couldn’t meet her eye and seemed to be repeating the speech he must have pre-prepared. Pip listened, hearing his words but not believing them. ‘I truly don’t,’ he said, ‘but I can’t carry on like this. Who knows how long it will be before you’re back to normal? And it’s not fair on either of us to let things drag on, to let you think that everything is fine when it isn’t.’
‘But Dom . . . ’ Pip put her hand out to touch his cheek, as if by making that physical connection she could stop this chasm opening up between them, but Dominic pushed it away, his action gentle but firm.
He got to his feet. ‘So that’s why I came up here. I wanted to tell you face to face rather than over the phone.’
For a moment he looked as if he was expecting to be congratulated for his noble behaviour, but when she didn’t speak, he added, ‘But now I should go. I’m sorry, Rose. It’s been fun but I think we’re at the end of the line. We both need to move on and get on with our lives.’
Pip couldn’t move. Her mouth fell open but no words came. She felt numb, but then she always felt numb these days. She’d felt numb ever since the accident.
Maybe she always would.
She tried to summon a response of some sort, but all she could think of were the practicalities. He couldn’t leave her. He was all she had left, the only thing connecting her with her other life, her real life. If he walked out now, then she would be trapped in this new, fake world forever. She searched inside for the emotional response that she knew was expected of her, but there was nothing there – just a void.
Dominic reached the door then turned to look at her, his hand gripping the handle tightly.
‘I’m sorry, Rose,’ he said again. ‘I really am. I’ll let myself out. Say goodbye to your parents for me. I’ll be in touch about your things.’
And then he was gone, leaving by the farmhouse’s front door rather than going back through the kitchen.
Pip just sat there, staring at the space where he had been.
‘Pip?’ her mother’s voice came from the kitchen. ‘Was that Dominic crossing the yard? Has he gone to get his things from the car?’ She appeared in the doorway, her cheeks pink, a smear of tomato puré e across her chin like a vivid scar.
‘Pip?’ she asked. Pip stared at her blankly, not really hearing her. She spoke again. ‘Pip? What’s the matter? What’s happened? Where’s Dominic?’
Pip felt very calm. In fact, she couldn’t ever remember feeling this calm before.
‘He’s gone,’ she said. ‘It’s over and he’s gone.’
10
‘Oh, my sweet girl,’ sighed Pip’s mother, immediately coming to join Pip on the sofa. She settled down next to her, sliding her ample frame in so the sides of their bodies were touching. Pip hadn’t been so close to anyone other than Dominic since the accident, and it felt odd to feel the sudden heat of her mother’s body seeping into her own. Surprisingly, though, she didn’t pull away, her long-forgotten instinct to gather warmth from her mum in moments of distress taking over.
She couldn’t seem to work out how she was feeling. It ought to have been a shock, but if she was honest, really truly honest with herself, she’d known it was coming. The clues had all been there: their stilted phone conversations, the diminishing number of visits to the farm and the gap that she had felt opening up between her and his life in London. They all pointed in the same direction.
At the start, she had assumed she could rely on Dominic to see her through this nightmare; that he would stick by her until she got herself back on her feet, even though the situation was difficult.
But maybe he just didn’t have it in him. He couldn’t give her what she needed, or perhaps he just didn’t want to. That was possibly closer to the truth. If she were to believe what he had just told her, then he’d wanted to finish things for some time before the accident, and had merely been biding his time until a decent period had elapsed so it didn’t look as if he had deserted her when she was at her lowest. Pip wasn’t sure she did believe that. They had been strong back then, with no cracks in their relationship at all. He must simply have convinced himself that things were rocky before in order to justify leaving her now.