But how things had changed. She could hardly believe that what women of her generation had just accepted as a fact of life was now so vilified. Women had stepped forward, drawing strength and courage from one another and then from the sheer number of them. She was astonished at the men who had been brought down, men she knew about but had never been able to discuss, other than with other women and behind closed doors. It was incredible.
Evelyn sat back and stared at the computer screen until the images flicked away and the screen went black. How had she allowed herself to become so cut off from the world that she hadn’t even been aware this was happening? One article said that almost five million people had put their hands up to similar abuses in just twenty-four hours. Women the length and breadth of the planet had been complaining of exactly what had happened to her. It was astounding. And yet she had known nothing about it.
Thank God, she thought, that the young women of today were protected, that society not only knew what went on but had decided it was no longer prepared to stand for it. Evelyn would never know whether she had won the part of DC Karen Walker because of her talent or because she had spread her legs for Rory MacMillan, but at least that wasn’t something an actress need go through again. The thought brought hot tears to her eyes. The justice had been so long in coming but now, it seemed, it was there if you looked for it.
Evelyn lifted her hands and hovered them over the keyboard. Should she search for Rory MacMillan, to see if there was anything in the press about him? She decided not. What would be the point? That was in her past. Now she needed to look forward towards her future.
46
Pip was still reeling from Evelyn’s revelations when she got back to the farm. It seemed impossible that Evelyn could think as she did, and yet it was clear she didn’t seem to blame the man entirely for what had happened to her in that hotel room. She had said it didn’t seem fair to prosecute men now, when what had happened had been in different times with different standards. But surely an abuse of power was an abuse of power, no matter when it occurred? Pip couldn’t get Evelyn’s point of view to lie straight in her head.
She had read the stories of a multitude of actors, musicians, sportswomen and others who had, empowered by the courage of a few, stepped out of the shadows and into the spotlight in order to share their dark and desperate stories. Had any of them approached what had happened to them in a similar way to Evelyn? If they had, then that wasn’t the message Pip had heard, but perhaps she hadn’t been listening carefully enough. Maybe some of them had also cut the men some slack, made allowances for behaviour that Pip could only see as unforgivable. Personally, she couldn’t understand that way of thinking, but if her training as a barrister had taught her anything it was that issues were rarely black or white.
All that said, Pip was sure that on this occasion she was right. There were no excuses. Of course, she couldn’t force Evelyn to make a complaint and she wouldn’t want to. It was a personal decision for each woman to make on their own. But she had always assumed they decided not to speak out for fear that some deeply buried emotional trauma would be reborn by doing so, that it would cause them a personal psychological pain they didn’t feel equipped to deal with, or that they didn’t want to be cast as a victim. It had never crossed her mind that anyone could possibly believe it might be unfair to the man.
She was still pondering it when she heard the tractor in the yard. It was Jez. He bounced down from the cab and started examining one of the tyre treads. Seeing him, her stomach lurched and fizzed, as if she were suddenly seventeen again, young and in love for the very first time. It had been so long since she had last felt it, that hormone-fuelled spike of adrenaline that leaves every nerve ending buzzing at the mere sight of another person. How had she thought she was too grown up to feel that buzz when the buzz was actually what life was all about? That was how you knew you were really alive.
Losing touch with lust hadn’t happened just as a result of the accident, she realised now. Whilst she had been proud when Dominic had asked her out, her legs hadn’t turned to jelly every time she saw him. Instead of butterflies in her stomach, there had been an objective appreciation of a handsome man and a warm, slightly smug feeling that she had mistaken for something else. But it wasn’t the same as what she felt now, not the same at all. What on earth had she been thinking back then?
But she and Jez both knew where they stood. They were neither ready for, nor even looking for, a relationship, especially not with one another. The night spent together was more about each offering something safe to their friend – a port in a storm, where they could shelter until the tempest beyond died away. They both knew that it had been lovely and welcome to spend a night together, but it wasn’t a solution to either of their problems.