All that said, right now she was rather enjoying the way just looking at him in his overalls and work boots made her feel. And there was nothing wrong with a little bit of physical attraction.
She rapped on the glass, waved and smiled. He looked up and grinned back, the broad open expression she had seen countless times before. Thank God for that, Pip thought. There was no awkwardness in it, nothing that suggested he might either regret what they had done, or worse, be reading more into it than was there.
She was just contemplating this when the back door swung open and he leaned into the house to call her name, holding on to the door frame for support whilst his muddy boots remained firmly outside.
‘Evening, Pipsterer. How’s the head today?’
‘Better than it was earlier,’ she said, moving towards the door so their conversation didn’t have to be bellowed. ‘Yours?’
‘I’m fine. I’ve drunk more than my fair share over the last couple of weeks. I think I’m immune,’ he said, and winked at her. ‘And also’ – he lowered his voice a little – ‘I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed myself. I assume you can remember what happened.’
Pip punched him lightly on the arm. ‘I wasn’t that bad,’ she replied indignantly.
‘Thank God for that.’ He grinned. ‘I wouldn’t want to be accused of anything inappropriate, getting my wicked way with you when you weren’t really up for it.’
In that instant, Pip’s mind flicked back to her conversation with Evelyn. Of course, this was completely different, but maybe she could see what Evelyn had been getting at after all. Things weren’t always cut and dried. Not that she agreed with Evelyn, not at all, but she conceded that they might look different from where she was sitting.
‘But Pip. . .’ Jez continued.
The grin slipped from his face and he looked hard into her eyes, making sure she was following him. She could see the dark line of chocolate brown that encircled his hazel irises and that had always fascinated her when she was young. She hadn’t really looked at him for years. She regretted that now. Jez deserved far more than she had deigned to give him. They all did: her parents, her school friends . . .
‘What happened last night needs to be a one-off,’ he said. ‘Or at least, not a regular thing.’ For a moment a smirk sat on his lips, but then he was serious again. ‘I’m really not ready for another relationship, and you and me, well, we’re mates. I don’t want anything to get in the way of that.’
Her disappointment was sharp, but slight, and then it evaporated entirely. Wasn’t this the conclusion she had reached herself not moments before? No matter how safe or comfortable she had felt in his arms, it wasn’t the right place for either of them to settle.
‘I totally agree,’ she said. ‘Lovely, safe, comforting sex. Not necessarily a one-off . . .’ She paused and raised an eyebrow. ‘But not a state of affairs, or anything close to that.’
She reached out and gave him a hug, slightly regretful that he had agreed with her so readily, but knowing they were both right. She breathed him in as if she needed the scent to keep her going for a while. He smelled of petrol and outside and of, well, him.
‘Thanks, Pip,’ he said into her hair. ‘I knew you’d get it.’ He pulled away from her then. ‘I do have one condition, though,’ he said, looking a little grave and vulnerable all at once. ‘Don’t ditch me again, like you did last time.’
Pip was confused. When they were teenagers their relationship had come to an end by mutual decision, a situation she had considered to be particularly mature at the time. She definitely hadn’t ditched Jez, and she was surprised he thought she had.
‘I didn’t ditch you,’ she said. ‘We agreed to split up.’
Jez shook his head. ‘I’m not talking about the boyfriend/girlfriend thing,’ he said. ‘I’m talking about you and me as mates. You went off to uni and that was it. After that you never bothered to stay in touch. You didn’t even talk to me when you came home for the holidays. You just dropped me, like I wasn’t good enough for you any more.’ His eyes met hers. ‘It hurt, Pip,’ he said. ‘It really hurt.’
Pip didn’t know what to say, other than that she was sorry. She would have liked to say she hadn’t realised, that she was devastated to have caused any pain, but it wouldn’t have been true, and Jez deserved the truth.
‘I’m sorry I hurt you,’ she said. ‘I made some mistakes. But I’m trying to put them right.’