The grudge on Ben’s part is noticeably absent today, as it has been for some time. He used to be the first to look away, purposefully rejecting her and breaking their connection.
Ben’s long-standing go-to punishment.
It seems he’s done penalizing her now as their eyes hold before Mom pulls Aunt Lexi into a hug. They embrace the other like they haven’t seen each other in years, not days, but their state is understandable.
Truth be told, they’re the ones with the most history together. Their friendship and bond sparked the start of our family, and the two of them combined became the backbone. That fact is further emphasized as an undeniable sense of relief fills the room.
We’re all here.
Save one Crowne.
A place I’m still holding for her, probably in vain.
Shaking the thought away, I focus back on our reunion. Ben’s smile lifts marginally when Lexi transitions out of Mom’s arms and into his. It’s so clear he needs her. It’s so clear she wants to be needed by him.
Similarly distracted, Benji stands frozen in place a foot from his parents, his eyes sweeping Rian as she catches his gaze and gives him a small wave before resuming her conversation with Rye.
Ouch.
Clearly stung, Benji quickly schools his features before spotting me, stalking over, and collapsing with a sigh on my right.
“How was your flight?” I jab, grinning.
“Fucking hilarious, bro,” he growls as I keep my gaze focused on his parents’ exchange. Benji follows my line of sight.
“Don’t ever try to figure them out. Their ignorance when it comes to the other is mind-boggling.”
“Yeah, I agree. It’s moronic to ignore the way you feel about someone.”
His reply is a cold, dead stare.
“You’re a hypocrite, and you know it.” I press in.
“Jesus, man. I just got here.” Even as he protests, his eyes drift over to Rian, who’s inching her way toward the dressing room door. His shoulders lift and tighten, and I know he’s fighting the urge to go after her.
“She stopped waiting for you, Benji,” I inform him. “A long time ago.”
He shrugs. “So, when the time comes, I’ll shake her fiancé’s hand, have my dance with her at their wedding and then spoil her kids.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that right now,” I say, knowing he’s incapable.
“I made choices I can’t unmake,” he confesses thoughtfully. “So, it’s the only way I’ll be able to remain in her life. I’m too tainted for her at this point anyway. She’s a fantasy, and if I touch it,” he admits, his voice raw as his eyes roll over her, “I’ll destroy it for both of us. The fantasy is always better than the reality anyway.”
“That’s some jaded, not to mention recycled bullshit.”
“Think so?” He turns unforgiving eyes on me. “You hit concrete not too long ago. How’s that working out for you?”
“Fuck you,” I grit out. “You’re right. She deserves better because you’re fucking poison.”
“And you’re filled with it,” he bites out, eyeing his parents, who are now wrapped up in conversation. “Haven’t you gotten it yet, East? Nothing is revered anymore. It’s all talk, all words made meaningless by actions.”
“Actions, Natalie, get on the plane.”
The truth of his declaration hits too close to home, I move to leave him in his tainted state, and he grips my arm and yanks me back down.
“Sorry, man, it’s just my perception. Doesn’t mean you have to buy into it.”
“Also doesn’t mean I have to keep listening to it. Your headspace isn’t anywhere I want to be right now.”
“Sorry.” He ruffles my hair, and I slap his hand away. He ignores the blatant animosity I’m displaying and questions me. “Seriously, how are you?”
“Not feeling the warm and fucking fuzzies at the moment,” I clip as the dark cloud he brought with him lingers overhead.
“Have you talked to her?”
“No, and I’m trying not to think about it.”
He sighs and stands. “I’m going to grab a beer. Want anything?”
“I’m good, thanks,” I manage in an even tone, his presence grating.
“Brought my kit. Up for some ink therapy later?”
“Yeah…maybe.”
Dad’s focus flits between Benji and me before he stalks over to me. “Come on, I need a smoke.” He eyes Benji’s retreating back, “Let’s take a walk.”