“A month,” I shrug. “Maybe two, maybe more.”
“You’re really leaving?” She asks, sniffling. Memories of the three of us circulate through my mind, running the fields, camping in the stables, sneaking Dad’s beer out, and building bonfires. Family vacations, birthdays, Christmases, graduations, every imaginable milestone, and the less memorable days in between. Sadly, as grownups, we’re supposed to be starting lives and families of our own. I’m just not sure now what that looks like for me anymore.
“I have to, Holly. I have to stand on my own for a while, even if I’m still working under my family’s umbrella and collecting a paycheck. It’s still where I feel I belong. For now, anyway.”
“And your mom is okay with this?” Holly asks.
“See, this is exactly why she’s leaving,” Damon speaks up. “She shouldn’t have to worry about everyone else having a say in her life decisions.”
“Thank you,” I sip my drink. “Thank you for getting it.”
“Well then, I guess I’m sorry I don’t,” Holly huffs indignantly. Damon throws a suit-clad arm around her and pulling her to him, begins whispering rapidly in her ear. Her eyes continually water until she finally speaks up.
“What I meant to say,” she sniffs, looking over to Damon for silent encouragement—which he freely gives—before glancing back to me. “Is that I’m being selfish right now, but only because I’ll miss you. I’ll look after your apartment temporarily, but please don’t stay gone long.”
“Good girl,” Damon admonishes, pressing a kiss to her temple.
“But I don’t have to fucking like it,” Holly pouts.
Damon and I share a smile before he speaks up. “We’ll fly to you in a few weeks.”
“Really?” Holly’s spirits lift instantly. “Like a real trip, together, promise?”
“Swear,” he assures her as she turns to me and smiles.
“Finally. I’m just pissed it took a disaster to get us together.”
Not a disaster, but a decision not to make a decision and walk away from the battle of past and present. A battle I couldn’t keep from happening no matter how hard I tried, which left us all casualties.
Now it’s just a matter of living with it.
As much as I longed to know what it was like to be in Stella’s shoes—as much as I romanticized about having this type of love—I feel cursed now for having known it only to lose it.
My story is going to end far differently than hers.
There’s no white knight in my future that will ever compare, or smooth-talking aristocrat with good table manners derived from any universe that will ever hold a candle to him. No gentleman nor scholar with the right words will ever pierce my soul or penetrate my mind and heart as profoundly as Easton has.
All of this was set into motion by me, so it’s only fair I am the one who puts a stop to it. As a result, my punishment for the foreseeable future is that I have to live with the knowledge that once upon a time—for a glimpse of it anyway—I found the perfect love with Easton Crowne.
“Every song has a memory; every song has the ability to make or break your heart, shut down the heart, and open the eyes. But I’m afraid if you look at a thing long enough; it loses all of its meaning. And your own life while it’s happening to you never has any atmosphere until it’s a memory.”
Andy Warhol
Dead Man Walking
Jelly Roll
Easton
Five months later…
Faded black boots propped and crossed on one of the dressing room tables, Dad expertly twirls his sticks before tapping them on his thighs. His restless energy is palpable from across the room as he stares blankly through the blurred motions of his expert hands. I have no doubt he’s running through music none of us can hear, as I often do while tapping out the beats in perfect synchronization. While he’s too much of a professional to be nervous, there’s an energy surrounding him. Pacing, cellphone in hand, Mom’s eyes lift and remain fixed on him where he rattles. Sensing her stare, he pauses and looks over at her, his mouth twisting up in a half-grin. “Something on your mind, Grenade?”
“I’m so proud of you,” she declares, her voice shaking with sentiment as the decades they’ve spent between them shine in their eyes. Dad lifts his chin in summons, and Mom immediately walks over to him. Dropping his legs as she reaches him, he pulls her into his lap. After a few exchanged whispers, he brackets her face before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.