And yes, I’ve had sex with strangers, guys whose name I never knew, whose face I’ve forgotten, and it’s never been a big deal. But the difference was, I pursued them. I wanted them. Right now, Death has all the control in the world, right down to the exact position he wants me to be in when he comes in.
Naturally, I took advantage of having Bell in my room and through hushed words and drunk whispers while I sat beneath the fish tank, she tried to give me advice. Mermaids take sexual freedom to a whole new level, that’s for sure, and she can’t really understand my problem, I guess because she knows Death intimately already. But she made sure that I knew I could still have control. I didn’t have to hand all the cards to him. I could go into it wanting it.
I just don’t know how that’s possible now that the wine has worn off. Yes, there is a teensy tiny part of my libido that finds this all intriguing, but it’s the same reason why my nipples got hard around him. He gives off this strange energy, I don’t know if it’s all the danger, power and uncertainty, but it crackles between us. Maybe he just smells good. Maybe he’s just a big guy and while the most I’ve actually seen of his body is his hand…it’s a good hand
Aside from the immediate death aspect of it.
Whatever works, I tell myself, fidgeting on the bed. Whatever works.
I’m just glad that I put a towel over the fish tank, much to Bell’s disappointment. While she obviously has no problems with watching Death have his way with me, I don’t want her witnessing this…whatever this is.
I move my face to the side and take in a deep breath, staring out the window. I was hoping to see the stars because that would mean that Death forgot all about me and is asleep, but it’s as misty as ever.
The sound of a lock in a key fills the room.
Oh god.
He’s here.
I keep my face where it is, remembering his instructions. I don’t dare look over my shoulder. A faint splash of light moves across the room as the door opens and then closes, latching shut.
I close my eyes.
I hear his heavy footfall as he slowly walks across my room, his strides deliberate and purposeful, his boots echoing. He gets closer and closer until I feel his presence right behind me at the foot of the bed.
He exhales, low and deep, and I hear a buckle being undone, perhaps his belt buckle.
Oh god.
I swallow, my heart in my throat, and try my best to keep it together.
“You’re not complying with my wishes,” Death says in a rough voice that sends a shiver down my spine. “Perhaps I should have made it more of a command.” The bed shakes a little as I know he’s pressing himself against it. My mouth goes dry with fear. “I wanted you naked with your ass in the air. You’re not doing either of those things.”
Yeah. And I’m not drunk anymore. So go fuck yourself.
I want to turn around and try to claw his eyes out. I want to kick him where it hurts. I want to use all the fight I have in me to try and destroy him. I want to feel power that I don’t possess.
But I know it will do me no good. Bell is right in that there is only one way out of this. I can’t fight Death off, I can’t escape from his castle—yet. It can only happen in due time, when I learn to play the game right. So far, I’m not doing a very good job of it.
And so I push up so my ass is in the air, and I pull the white nightgown over my body, slipping it over my arms until I’m completely bare in front of him.
And I wait, holding my breath, my entire body feeling frozen in place.
Death inhales sharply. I take some comfort in that, in that he likes what he sees.
It’s all that I have to barter for my life with.
I hear the metal of the buckle again and then feel him lean forward. He gently places his hands on the back of my thighs. I jump, startled at his touch. His gloves feel like leather and when he gets a better grip, they make a stiff groaning sound that reverberates around the room. It’s strangely erotic, like the sound of a leather whip before it cracks.
His hands then tighten against my skin, and he’s sliding them up, up, until they’re cupping my ass, spreading my legs in slow increments and my eyes are pinched shut, wishing my body would just give in and relax.
But then he pauses.
A low grumbling noise emits from his chest.
He removes his hands from my thighs and then I feel him press his palm against my spine.
“You’re trembling,” he says in a hush. “Why are you trembling?”
I didn’t even notice. I thought I was frozen in place, but instead my limbs are shaking uncontrollably. So much for pretending to not be afraid, so much for taking agency.