揧ou got that right about those of us who are ordered to do things that bother us.?He cut off a piece of the pound cake and put it in his mouth. 揥e do what we抮e trained for, and try to compartmentalize it, don抰 we??
揥e do it for the greater good,?she said just above a whisper. 揟hat抯 the words we抮e told, but do you think the greater good helps those mothers who lose their sons and daughters, or the children who lose their parents??
揘ope,?Wade answered. 揟hat would be like talking to a preacher about putting a bar in a church. He抯 never done it, never even thought about it, so how could he give advice on whether to take out the baptismal and use part of the area to make shelves for liquor or not??
揙r to a committee who never taught a day in school and expects to give advice on how to teach kids anything,?she said.
揥hat brought on that idea??Wade asked.
Jessica raised one shoulder in half a shrug. 揟hinking about Haley going back to school in the fall. I want her to be happy, but I also don抰 want her to leave. We抳e got a good team here.?
揇o you often shy away from talking about what you did by thinking of something else??Wade asked.
揇o you really think that抯 what I抦 doing??she asked.
揧es, because I do the same thing,?he answered. 揑抣l talk about building the bar over out there in what used to be the sanctuary to avoid a discussion about Danny.?
揇o you want to talk about him??Jessica asked.
揑 haven抰， not even to Oscar.?Wade shrugged. 揑 just say that he was killed in the line of duty, but the truth is that it was a tragic accident. He worked in technology, and there was a problem with their equipment during a field training exercise. He loaded up what he needed and started driving. They told me it was only a mile away from base, and the road had been cleared. Evidently, they either missed an IED or one had been planted since they left.?
揂nd Danny ran over it??Jessica stood up, moved around the table, and sat down next to him. Then she draped an arm around his shoulders. 揑抦 so sorry, Wade.?
He reached up and covered her hand with his. 揟hanks for listening. He only had one more year, and then we were going to get serious about putting in our bar.?
揥ell, I think when the lawyer has to have a definite name for this bar, we should call it Danny抯 Place.?She removed her arm, but she didn抰 go back to her original seat.
揌e抎 like that.?Wade knew a moment of peace because he had finally told someone what happened to Danny, yet felt empty because he had liked having Jessica so close that her arm was around him.
揇anny did die in the line of duty,?Jessica assured him. 揧ou know that down deep in your heart, Wade. In the field we depend on technology. Without it, we抎 fail in our missions.?
揟hanks, but I already know that.?Wade managed a smile, but it was only on his face, not from the heart.
揘o thanks necessary.?She nudged his shoulder with hers. 揟hat抯 a fact. Whether our technology is during a full-fledged battle or in a training exercise, it抯 important, and Danny was doing a good thing. He died a hero, Wade. Don抰 ever forget that.?
He laid a hand on her shoulder and tried to stop his chin from quivering. 揑 won抰， but I also can抰 forgive myself for talking him into enlisting. I抦 glad you came home and that we are partners, Jessica. You抣l never know how much talking to you means to me.?
揑 think I do, because talking to you means that much to me. No one understands unless they抳e been there.?She laid her hand on his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
揧ou got that right.?
Jessica had teased about having to kill someone if she discussed her job with them. In reality, what she did really was classified, but by joking about it, she didn抰 have to answer any more questions.
揑 never realized it until now, but I guess I do change the subject to avoid difficult conversations,?she said after a moment.
揝o do I,?Wade said with a nod. 揑 don抰 want to remember how many people抯 lives I was responsible for ending when I pulled the trigger, so I switch to talking about something else to avoid the questions. How did it affect you the first time you shot a person??
揑 went out that night and cried until there were no more tears,?she answered. 揟he next morning, I told myself I deserved the pain. I抎 passed all my psych evals, so I thought I was prepared for the aftershock, but nothing gets us ready for that first time, does it? Or, for that matter, any time after that. I still have nightmares.?
Wade nodded and then changed direction and shook his head. 揑 did the same thing and felt the same way. The only person I ever talked about this with before tonight was Danny. I think that抯 why I have missed him so much. We could share things that I couldn抰 talk about with anyone else, even though we had such different jobs.?He chuckled. 揔ind of a role reversal from the way we were in high school, isn抰 it? I was the brainy kid, and he was the football player.?