揑 imagine that Stella would say that heaven being a sin away would be more like it, only she would substitute hell for heaven,?Jessica told him.
When the singer asked if she could get a hallelujah, the folks still up in the stands all jumped up and yelled, 揌allelujah.?Wade glanced over Jessica抯 shoulder and smiled when he saw Oscar giving him the thumbs-up sign.
When the next song started, Wade swung Jessica out and then brought her back to his chest. The singer sounded a helluva lot like Mary Chapin Carpenter as she sang 揑 Feel Lucky.?
Wade could agree with the lyrics because he sure did feel lucky with Jessica in his arms. The whole arena filled up with other couples, but Wade didn抰 even see them. In his mind, he and Jessica were the only couple out there in the dusty arena.
Haley grabbed a quick shower, got dressed in a pair of loose-fitting pajama pants, and glared at the pregnancy test lying in the drawer beside her toothpaste. Still in the box and just lying there tormenting her every time she brushed her teeth. She couldn抰 be pregnant梥he抎 been on the pill for years and years. She kept telling herself that all the recent stress, not pregnancy, had caused her to miss a couple of periods. Losing her mother, finding out about her biological mother, not knowing whether she should even try to find her father. Then add on the fact that she was having trouble deciding whether to quit her job in Alabama and stay in Riverbend梐ll that would cause any woman to be irregular.
She slammed the drawer shut with force so she wouldn抰 even have to see it. Sure, she wanted a family, but not now. Lots of women were starting a family in their early forties these days, and she was only thirty-eight, so that meant she had a few years left. She抎 always plowed right into a problem, so why was she procrastinating and worrying about that test? If she was pregnant, the decision would be made for her about going back to Georgia in the fall. Here in Riverbend, she would have support and help. There she would be completely alone.
揑 can抰 think about this right now,?she muttered.
She went to the kitchen without turning on the light in the foyer, poured herself a glass of milk, and carried it to the back porch with intentions of watching the stars dance around the moon. She and her mother used to do that, and it always calmed her nerves.
Like the stars did the night you probably got pregnant? the pesky voice in her head asked.
揌ush!?she said as she stepped out onto the screened porch and remembered that last bittersweet night.
揑 didn抰 say a word,?Risa said from one end of the settee.
揝orry,?Haley said with a sigh. 揑 was arguing with myself.?
揑抳e done that a lot lately,?Risa said.
揙h, yeah.?Haley caught a whiff of whiskey, and her stomach did a roll. 揚lease don抰 tell me you are drinking because Paul called and you抮e all going back to Kentucky.?
揥here did that idea come from??Risa asked.
揑t抯 just the scariest thing I could think of.?Haley crossed her fingers when she thought of that pregnancy test, because that scared her even worse.
She had invited Risa and the girls to live with her to be a help to them, but now they were there, she had figured out it was a two-way street. If that pregnancy test turned out to be positive, she sure would need support from them.
揙h, no! That ship sailed. I can抰 even see it out there on the horizon,?Risa assured her. 揂fter seeing my mother again and hearing her say such ugly words to my girls, I needed a good stiff drink, and I抦 going to have another one. If that抯 a sin, then I抣l ask forgiveness tomorrow morning in church.?Risa stood up and headed toward the little cabinet where Haley kept the liquor. 揥ant one??
Yes, I want one, but I can抰梟ot until I figure this out about a baby, Haley thought, but she said, 揘o thanks. Milk helps calm me down so I can sleep. Talk to me. Is this about Stella??
揥e抳e had a wonderful evening,?Risa said, 搒o let抯 not ruin it by hashing out all this crap.?
揑t抣l lay inside you and eat away until you talk about it.?Haley wasn抰 sure if she was talking to herself or to Risa. 揧ou抣l feel better if you get it off your chest, and I can抰 sleep anyway. So, you抮e going to church tomorrow??
揧ep, I vowed that I wouldn抰 run from Mama, and the girls need to be in church. I might not believe like she does but . . .?Risa took a sip of her whiskey.
揧ou could go to a different church,?Haley suggested. 揟here抯 more than one in town, and maybe thirty in the county.?
Risa set her mouth in a firm line, shook her head, and took another sip. 揘ope, that would be the equivalent of running. I抦 going to walk right into church with my girls with my back straight and no tears.?
揑抦 going with you.?Haley decided on the spur of the moment. 揗aybe God will give me an inkling of an idea about why Mama and my sister didn抰 tell me about my birth when I was a grown woman.?