“Are they still that strict?” Annie looked surprised. These were modern times, and the queen was young.
“They are,” he answered. “You’re far enough down the line, so they may not be as tough on you. But poor George and Albert will have to marry the girls their mother approves of. No go-go dancers for them,” he said, and she laughed.
“Well, they don’t need to worry about me. I don’t want to get married. I just want to be a jockey one day, if they ever relax the rules and let women into the inner sanctum of racing.”
“You can’t wait for that forever.”
“Yes, I can,” she said confidently. “That’s my only goal for the moment.”
“Then God help the racing committee. I get the feeling that you always get what you want.”
“Not always, but I’m willing to wait and be patient.”
“You’ll probably marry and have ten children before that,” he said lightly.
“I hope not. I’m not sure I want any,” Annie responded seriously. “It certainly didn’t work out well for my mother,” she said quietly, and he looked at her gently.
“Are you afraid of that happening to you?” he asked, and she nodded. It was her worst fear, dying in childbirth. He had his own demons.
“That was a long time ago, during the war. She was young, and you probably weren’t born in a hospital,” he said sensibly to reassure her.
“No, I wasn’t, but it still happens even now.”
“Think of Queen Victoria. She was as small as you are, and she had nine children, all at home, and she was fine. I suppose we all have our terrors. I’m afraid of the woman I love leaving me, the way my mother walked out on my father. It nearly broke him. I don’t think he ever recovered. I don’t think he’s loved a woman since.” Although he had dated many, and had a reputation as a ladies’ man.
“It’s odd how the things in our childhood mark us forever,” Annie said. “Once I knew about my mother, I decided I didn’t want children. It seems safer not to try.” And yet she never played it safe on horseback, and had no fears there. But she guarded her heart. And so did Anthony and his father.
“It’s not too late for you to change your mind about having babies. You’re young. It will be fine, if you fall in love with the right man. Finding a woman who won’t fall in love with someone else and leave you is harder,” he said, expressing his own fears.
“Maybe you don’t know the right women,” she said, and he stared into the fire as he thought about it and then looked at her.
“Probably not. The ones that sparkle like diamonds in the snow are always the most dangerous. I don’t trust them, but they’re always so damn tempting. I think my mother was like that. She was the daughter of a marquess, and she was a famous beauty. My father was dazzled by her. But she left him for another man, as you know.”
“Love seems complicated,” Annie said softly, and he nodded.
“It does, doesn’t it? It shouldn’t. It should be so simple between two good, honorable people. The trouble is, so few people are honorable. And the ones who are can be damn boring,” he said and then laughed. “Like your aunt Alexandra. She’s a woman of duty and honor, and a profoundly good person, but I don’t imagine she’s much fun to live with and must be rather dull. Victoria is a great deal more amusing, but I wouldn’t trust her. I suspect she can be very naughty, and even wicked. Her love affairs never last and they’re never with suitable people. She prefers the high-risk ones, but when you do that, you wind up alone like her.” He was in a serious contemplative mood, but Annie suspected that his analyses were correct. “Who knows, maybe your mother would have left your father by now, if they’d survived.”
“I don’t know much about her. No one likes to talk about her. It makes them too sad. She was so young when she died.”
“I can understand that. And one thing I do know,” he said, looking seriously at her, as he slid out of his chair across from her and came to sit on the floor next to the low chair where she was sitting. “I know you’re an honorable woman, Annie, and you’re not boring. I always have fun with you, that’s a rare combination.” She smiled down at him, and always felt comfortable with him.
“Thank you. I have fun with you too, except for the time I nearly killed myself racing with you.”
He winced. “Christ, I thought you were dead. I’ve never been so frightened in my life.”