“Well, I wasn’t,” she said. “I was lucky.”
“We both were.” He leaned forward and the next thing she knew he was kissing her, not violently or passionately, but tenderly, as though he meant it. She was shocked and hadn’t seen it coming.
“What are you doing?” she said in a whisper, and he kissed her again, and this time she kissed him back. She hadn’t expected anything like this from him.
“I’m kissing you.” He answered and smiled at her, and did it one more time. “Every time I see you, something happens to me. You’re everything I want in a woman, Annie. But I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of ruining what we have. Of you leaving me one day. Of the royal rules squeezing the life out of both of us. It terrifies me, but I know I want to be with you one day, and be married to you, and have babies with you, and I won’t let it kill you, I promise.” He sounded frighteningly serious about all of it.
“You don’t know that it wouldn’t kill me,” she said, remembering her mother.
“I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you. I hate the idea of your being a jockey. You could break your neck and die, a lot easier than in childbirth. What I can never figure out is how we get from here to there. I’ve thought about it. How do we get from where we are now to a grown-up married life with children and dogs and all the good things that go with it?” He looked genuinely worried.
“Maybe we just wait till we’re ready.” He had opened new doors and windows to a vista she had never even considered, but she liked it. He put his arms around her and held her close as the fire crackled and she felt the warmth of him around her and on her lips when he kissed her. She had never felt anything like it for any man, until now.
“I don’t want to wait,” he whispered to her, and then pulled away slightly to look at her, “and this isn’t just a clever plot to get you into bed on Christmas Eve and walk away the next day. I’m in love with you. I knew it the day I nearly killed you when we were racing. I just haven’t figured out what to do about it. And you’re too young to get married, maybe we both are. I still have some growing up to do too, but I don’t want to lose you while we wait. And I sure don’t want to lose you to some stupid horse race.”
“You won’t.” But he knew he could if she got her wish and was able to become a jockey. “So what do we do?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know. Let’s spend time together when we can. I can come to the stables when I have free time, and you can come to London to see me.”
“Should we tell people?”
“Eventually. Not yet. They’ll figure it out. And there will be lots of people telling you I’m a player and not to take me seriously.” She laughed at that.
“Victoria already has, after she saw the photo of us in the newspaper at your party for the Texan.”
“She should talk.” He rolled his eyes. “She’s slept with half of Europe. I’m an amateur compared to her. And in the past she would have been right about me. I feel differently about you, Annie. You’re different, and I’m different when I’m with you.”
“And when you’re not?” She wasn’t entirely oblivious to his reputation.
“Leave that to me.” He kissed her again then, with mounting passion, their champagne forgotten, all he wanted were her lips and to feel her in his arms. He derived strength from her, and he trusted her, and knew he could. She was a good woman. “Would you go away with me?” he asked her when he pulled away to catch his breath. And she was out of breath too, as she thought about it.
“Maybe. Not yet. It’s too soon.” He nodded and didn’t argue with her. “I don’t want to get pregnant. My mother did that. I don’t want to start out that way, in a panic, and doing the wrong thing.”
“There’s a pill you can take now, not to get pregnant. They have it in the States.”
“Oh.” She didn’t know about it, and had no reason to. She was entirely innocent. “I would do that. I don’t want us to make any mistakes.” He nodded, neither did he. He wanted this to be right, for both of them. It was a first for him, but he’d been thinking of her that way for a while, since the party.
“I’d love to go to Venice with you,” he said, “or somewhere in France.” She nodded, carried away with the images he was sharing with her, and eventually he carried her to the bed and lay down next to her and just held her. “I love you, Annie,” he said peacefully, and she had never felt so safe in her life. He didn’t try to do anything he shouldn’t. Eventually when the fire died down and the room got chilly, he got up regretfully, and stood and smiled down at her. “My beautiful angel. I don’t know why you dropped into my life. I don’t deserve you, but I’ll try. I promise you that.” She smiled up at him, got off the bed, and followed him to the door of her room. He peeked out to make sure there was no one in the hall, and he didn’t have far to go to his own room. He kissed her one last time. It had been an important night for both of them. Life-changing, if they stuck to it and all went well.