“Lilly, I can explain—”
“Terrified,” I shout at him. “Not only because I didn’t want to do that alone, but because I had no idea what was happening to you. The only reason I knew you were okay was that I was that desperate girl, asking anyone who would listen where you were and if you were okay. It was pathetic. I was freaking pathetic. You put me in a position where I couldn’t do anything else but look like the forlorn female in search of her knight in shining armor. How is that fair to me? All you had to do was text, and that was it. But you couldn’t do that.”
I try to bite back my tears, to hold on to them, but there’s no use. They tumble down my cheeks as a sob escapes my lips. Keller attempts to console me, but I step away.
“No, don’t touch me. I want to know what made you act like I didn’t matter today.”
“You do matter, you matter—”
“Don’t fucking say it.” I point at him. “If I mattered most, I wouldn’t be here, yelling at you, my heart breaking with every breath I take. We would be in my room, cuddled under the covers, reflecting on the day.”
He rubs his hand over his forehead and says, “It’s not that easy, Lilly.”
“Really? Seems easy to me. You read a text, and you respond. You have an assignment, you show up. I can’t fathom how that’s not easy.”
“It was the text,” he says, growing impatient with me. “It touched upon everything I’m insecure about, everything I don’t want people thinking about me. Coming here to Strombly, you know I had some adjustments. There’ve already been whispers about us, about my intentions. This isn’t normal, Lilly, for someone of my status to date someone like you.”
“Oh my GOD! Who cares! Jesus Christ, Keller. It’s not like we’re living in a time where women’s rights are suppressed and men rule with an iron fist. We’re living in this modern day, with a king and queen who approve. So, your whole excuse of class differences doesn’t check out.”
“But that’s how I grew up,” he shouts. “And I’m working on coming to terms with it, but it’s not that easy. I’m still trying to impress. I’m still trying to feel like I earned this job, that I’m doing it right. There’s much pressure on me.”
“So that means you just ignore me?”
“I didn’t handle today correctly, okay? I was fucking terrified that I left a stone unturned after having to take Brimar off security. I wanted to make sure you were safe, that everything would go okay today, and nothing would ruin the welcoming.”
“You ruined it,” I say with a snap in my voice. “You might’ve thought you were taking care of me, but you weren’t. I was worried and self-conscious the whole time, wondering why you weren’t there. You did nothing but hurt the day for me, for us.” Another sob escapes me. “This was supposed to be our day, Keller. A day we worked so hard to get to, and you weren’t there.” I wipe a tear off my cheek and then quietly say, “You abandoned me, left me alone, the one thing I begged you not to do. The one thing you promised you’d never do.” Tears are now coming in droves.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says, trying to take me into his arms, but I duck away and move toward the door. “Lilly, please, just let me make this better. I fucked up and thought I was doing what was right for you, for us, but—”
“But you weren’t.” With my sleeve, I wipe away my tears. “You left me . . . alone, and that, including lying to me, Keller, that’s something I don’t think I can forgive. If you loved me, you would’ve been there, instead of letting your insecurities control your actions.”
With one more wipe, I reach for his door, but he quickly comes up to me and holds the door shut. “Please, Lilly. Please don’t leave yet. Let me . . . fuck, just let me work through this with you.”
I tilt my head to the side as I ask, “Work it out? Like actually talk to me, what you should have been doing all day? Why should I let that happen now? You didn’t even tell me you were adopted.”
“Because it wasn’t . . . it wasn’t fully true.”
“What do you mean?”
“The paperwork never went through because of complications with the crown. It was more of a formality. I never mentioned it because . . . because it was never true.”
“But it was true in your heart,” I say.
His eyes flash to the side as he says, “Yes . . . yes, it was.”